Monday Morning Check In: Lyndon Johnson's Ten-Point Formula for Success

Written by Paula E. Bird ©2013

Recently I was thumbing through a favorite book of mine, The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz, Ph.D., which you can find in the Teach Suzuki Resources Store (store). This book has been around since 1959, and it is full of those little gems and treasures of wisdom that lead a person along the path of success. As I was looking through the book and reminding myself of some of the points of advice, on page 153 I came across a list of ten rules Dr. Schwartz attributes to President Johnson. I thought these were timeless rules and well worth sharing:

1. Learn to remember names. Inefficiency at this point may indicate that your interest is not sufficiently outgoing.
2. Be a comfortable person so there is no strain in being with you. Be an old-shoe, old-hat kind of individual.
3. Acquire the quality of relaxed easy-going so that things do not ruffle you.
4. Don't be egotistical. Guard against the impression that you know it all.
5. Cultivate the quality of being interesting so people will get something of value from their association with you.
6. Study to get the "scratchy" elements out of your personality, even those of which you may be unconscious.
7. Sincerely attempt to heal on an honest Christian basis, every misunderstanding you have had or now have. Drain off your grievances.
8. Practice liking people until you learn to do so genuinely.
9. Never miss an opportunity to say a word of congratulation upon anyone's achievement, or express sympathy in sorrow or disappointment.
10. Give spiritual strength to people, and they will give genuine affection to you.

I think these ten basic rules pretty much cover the topic of being a better person in terms of building relationships with others.

Take your sixth penny out of your penny jar today. You have 46 pennies left to accomplish your annual plan for 2013 (What's this?).

Monday Morning Check In: How Basic Goodness Gives Life to Technique

Written by Paula E. Bird ©2013

"It simply makes no difference how good the rhetoric is or even how good the intentions are; if there is little or no trust, there is no foundation for permanent success. Only basic goodness gives life to technique." -- Dr. Stephen R. Covey (American educator and author, 1932-2012)

Dr. Stephen Covey wrote this in his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. As I considered what to write about for this Monday Morning Check In, I recalled what Dr Suzuki wrote about music and character: "Beautiful tone, beautiful heart." Written in the Preface to Suzuki Violin Volume Two, Dr. Suzuki writes that "strings only sing the heart of the one who plays them. . . . because our entire personalities are revealed in the tone we produce."

"In human terms, if one lives in a self-centered, egotistical and immature way, one's life will be that of no joy and constant dissatisfaction. In other words, because of selfish needs, what one creates will be nothing but noise.

In contrast, when one lives by the principle of serving the hearts of others and learns to live for other people, one can enjoy a life of light, without discord, in harmony with others, and walk through life in pure joy. Similarly, the ultimate goal of music education, as well as the secret of violin playing is to guide others away from the world of self-centeredness to that of loving hearts in the service of others.

. . . The philosophy of violin playing is the same as that for life. Man, like the violin, can only sing the song of his own heart." -- Shinichi Suzuki (1898-1998, Japanese violinist, educator, and founder of Suzuki Method of Talent Education)

It was Dr. Covey's words about basic goodness giving life to technique that spurred my memory of Dr. Suzuki's words about the violin singing the song of the human heart. I believe that both men would agree with each other. What we are inside is revealed when we play the violin, or whenever we play music.

I teach a string techniques course at the university, in which I teach music education students how to teach string techniques. I can work a few minutes with one of the university students and tell you much about that student just by how the student approaches the instrument, by the type of sound that the student produces, and by the type and amount of energy level that the student produces while playing. I am sure that the students think I am some sort of gypsy fortune teller because I am able to accurately describe the student's personality style within minutes of teaching the student. I can guess at the types of hobbies the student might pursue, the state of the student's clothes closet at home, and what sort of social life the student maintains. I can accurately guess what types of grades a student usually gets in classes and how uptight the student is.

When I listen to student recitals, I can close my eyes and envision the sort of person that is playing. I can hear whether the person is smiling inside or hurting. I can feel the student's instrument and music vibrating in the air, and I can tell whether the student is trying to communicate with me on some level or whether the student is playing "at me" or for their own inward purposes.

I know of several teachers who routinely assign special homework to their students during the week, which consists of character building exercises along the lines of doing things for others. The idea here is that if the students frequently perform acts of goodness or kindness, then the students will get into the habit of doing good or being kind. I think this is a great idea because it makes students and parents aware of the exercise. Hopefully, when one person sees another doing such good things, the person will admire the effort and will strive to imitate the gesture. The one act could exponentially grow to include many, many others.

What such an exercise will also do is help to purify and mature the heart and spirit of the person doing the exercise. We all know that "going through the motions" will not a good person make, but doing so will go a long way toward building such a person in the end. We have heard the adage "fake it until you make it," and this catch-phrase may say it all. We may have to go through the motions and build the character habit until we finally reach the point that the motions and the good strong character are instilled in us. I believe that good character is just another ability that we can develop by overlearning.

What Drs. Covey and Suzuki are both telling us here is that good character is the foundation to good everything else. For Dr. Covey, good character provides the structural framework for good attitude, good relationships, good communication, and good leadership. For Dr. Suzuki, good character will be reflected in a person's music, which is the performer's personal expression of inward emotion, attitude, and sense of beauty. Without good character, something is "off" about the person, and no amount of technique will change that. We will be dazzled by technique, but we will not be moved by it. We might admire someone for their technical skill, but we will not be persuaded to move mountains.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. -- Aristotle*

This week, let us contemplate the words of both Dr. Covey and Dr. Suzuki and consider what habit of character we are building through our repeated actions. Let us strive for excellence, but more than that. Let us make the effort to repeatedly do the right things that strengthen our character. Let us reach out to the world and build connections that will uplift and encourage our society and world to grow beyond itself in a good way, in the right way.

Go forth and do good!
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*Although this quote is attributed to Aristotle, it may actually come from Will Durant and his work "The Story of Philosophy," in which Durant summed up Aristotle's thoughts.

Monday Morning Check In: What's in Your Season?

Written by Paula E. Bird ©2012
Happy New Year, everyone! This is one of my favorite seasons in a year. This is the season when I plan my next twelve months, and the clean slate that lies before me is fraught with possibilities. For many people, the act of making (and breaking) New Year's resolutions has become so commonplace that the thought of goal setting seems almost trite. This is not so for me.

I love to set goals. I love to make plans that break down my goals into manageable steps. I love to measure my progress from day one until the final goal achievement. I love the whole idea of goal setting. As of this moment, I have worked out my top ten goals and annual plan with the Best Year Yet program, as I enjoy doing each year. This year I will be working with the program online. Already I have noticed a change in my perspective about my current life situation, and I know it is due to the act of setting goals and gaining the sense of control over my life that the goal-setting process provides.

But enough about me. How about you? Where do you stand on the issue of goal setting and resolutions for the coming year?

One of my university colleagues has an interesting twist to his goal setting, and I thought you would enjoy considering his perspective. My colleague, Dr. Ian Davidson, is one of the top music professionals in his instrument area (oboe and English Horn), and we work together several times each year in recital and symphonic performances. He has a pie chart hanging on the wall of his studio with the caption: "What's in Your Season?" The pie chart is divided into three equal parts. The three parts are labeled: Lead, Share, Follow. My friend's philosophy is that when planning out the year, the season should include equal elements of all three areas.

Lead refers to those activities where you are the leader. You might be giving a solo performance or conducting a group. The purpose of this portion of the pie chart is that you are in charge of others. You are responsible for making decisions about the direction to take and how the project should run. You are the person in charge.

Share refers to those activities where you share the responsibility of leadership. You might be performing in chamber music performances. The purpose of this portion of the pie chart is that you will join others in making the project come to life. You will focus on collaboration. All members are in charge of decision-making.

Follow refers to those activities where someone else assumes the leadership role, and you are cast in the follower role. You might be performing as a member of an organization, such as a symphony or community orchestra. You are a member of a team, but someone else is at the helm of ship, and your responsibility is to follow direction.

Do you see the value of thinking of thinking about your life in each of these three areas? Each area requires a different set of skills.

Leading requires you to step up and show others how something is to be done. Leading teaches you to learn the power of responsibility, as you will need to consider the people you will lead and their needs in order to build a successful outcome. Leading provides you with an opportunity to build your self confidence, as once you have successfully completed your leadership role, you will have another memory of having achieved something. This memory will serve as a springboard for achieving other worthy projects in the future, and the memory will provide you with a wellspring of courage to do things that might seem scary.

Sharing requires you to work and play well with others. Sharing teaches you about the ebb and flow of collaboration, about how a sailboat navigates with the currents and the wind. Sharing reminds us to be considerate of others if we are to work together toward a common goal in a pleasant and satisfying way. Sharing will provide you with an opportunity to learn much about yourself, as sharing will reveal those areas of your character and personality that are weak and need work. You cannot be successful in a collaboration if you harbor selfish motives, exhibit arrogant attitudes, or rely on dominant behavior to get your own way. Sharing requires you to put your focus on the common good of the group. Sharing will teach you how to be a better person if you approach this part of the pie chart with a teachable mind.

Following requires you to learn submission. Following teaches us how to let others lead. Following will also teach us much about ourselves and our personalities. In the process of learning how to follow someone else, we will learn the art of showing others respect, courtesy, and graciousness. We learn to put our own personal desires to the side momentarily to allow someone else to direct us.

Some of us will find difficult prospects in each of the three areas. The beauty to using my friend's system is that it will help us to find balance. We need to learn how to work well within each of these three areas. We need to learn how to use the skills that each of these three areas will teach us.

Some of us will find leading to be a scary proposition. Eleanor Roosevelt said: "Do one thing every day that scares you." Leading will teach you how to face your fears. Fear will only enlarge if we try to ignore it. Facing fear squarely will shrink it. We need to step up and assume leadership positions in order to learn how to rely on ourselves. We need to learn how to lead others in order to learn how to lead ourselves.

Some of us will find sharing to be difficult because we are impatient about the speed that collaboration may require. The author Brian Adams said: "Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success." Sharing will teach us how to be patient with others as well as ourselves.

Some of us will find following to be difficult because we naturally lead rather than follow. We are comfortable with our own opinions and decisions. We find it easier to be in charge and to charge ahead on our own course. The author William Paul Young wrote: “Submission is not about authority and it is not obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect." Following will help us to learn how to give respect to others as well as build relationships for ourselves.

As you contemplate the new year, pause momentarily to consider what is in your season. Do you have a good blend of all three areas -- leading, sharing, and following?

Happy New Year! See you in 2013!

Monday Morning Check In: 8 Tips to Manage Stress

I have a lot of tips and links for you today. Last week we discussed stress. Today we will discuss how to manage stress. Notice that I used the word "manage" rather than "beat" or "eliminate." In the past few years, I have come to understand that stress may be inevitable in our lives.

When I consider how I might eliminate activities that cause undue stress in my life, my list appears ridiculous, because so many things that I do have the unpleasant potential to turn into unbearable stress. The flip side of looking to eliminate stressful activities is that many of these activities are things that I also enjoy doing. With every activity in my life that I enjoy comes the possibility of not enjoying it. Too much of a good thing, perhaps?

Here is an example. I love to teach. However, I do not love to teach in certain environments:

• when students are unprepared
• when parents seem to spend more energy making or looking for excuses not to ensure that the child is prepared for lessons
• when parents cancel lessons because other activities have a higher priority (and do not think ahead to reschedule)
• when parents frequently expect me to make schedule adjustments to accommodate the parents’ inability to schedule
• when parents come late to lessons or group class (one parent brought the child to class one hour late, after I had already dismissed that child’s class level)
• when parents come early to lessons (more than five minutes) and interrupt my break/lunch/phone/dinner time
• when parents do not bring their child to lessons or group classes and I have to spend time in lessons making up the material the child would have learned in class

Teaching is a wonderful profession, but because it is a service profession, there are many opportunities for stress to pile up and lead to burnout.

So what about playing in the symphony or other music ensembles? I love to play my violin and piano and enjoy playing in large ensembles and the quartet. However, even these activities can lead to unbearable stress as the groups near a performance date. Other members of the group may be experiencing stress of various kinds at the same moment, and how we each handle our individual stress loads may adversely impact the others around us. I get very irritable when I experience too much stress. Others may become petulant, defensive, and unpleasant to work with.

Here are my 8 personal tips for combating stress. These are not hard and fast rules. Instead I use these items as a guideline to keep me sane during insane times. I may not always follow my own tips, but the fact that I have a list at all of helpful tips is a good step toward managing stress when it rears its ugly head.

#1 - White Space Day: Aim for one day per week that has nothing on the calendar. My husband calls this “white space.” Others may call it a “Sabbath.” The purpose of white space is to allow yourself one day per week to enjoy the fruits of whatever you do on the other six days of the week.

#2 - Plan Ahead: If you maintain a calendar (and you should, at least as a courtesy to others), make a plan to look at it once a week in order to plan ahead. For me, I tend to look at the calendar on Sunday or Monday. I look at the coming week and sometimes the week afterwards. Getting a general feel for what is to come gives me a greater sense of control over the crazy stuff when it hits. For example, this week I have three evenings free. The remaining evenings will involve a long drive to another city. By looking ahead at my schedule in this way, I am aware of the time that I have available for:

• doing laundry
• making meals (where is that crock pot?)
• cleaning the house
• running errands
• scheduling makeup lessons

I maintain a small dry erase board in my bathroom, and while I brush my teeth before bed (2 minutes with electric toothbrush), I set out my clothes for the next day and write out the times that I need to wake up, feed the animals, get in the shower, and leave. The next morning, I follow my plan.

#3 - Alone Time: I need some time by myself when all is quiet around me and no one or no thing is competing for my attention. Usually I get a brief amount of time in the morning, when I write some “morning pages” and drink my coffee. The dogs have been taken care of and are snoozing nearby. I also find some time right before bedtime. My family has already gone to sleep, and the atmosphere is quiet again. I use this time for additional writing or for reading. Others may take bubble baths or do yoga. There are some individuals who need social time rather than alone time. Just do the reverse of what is discussed here. Make time to spend with friends.

#4 - Exercise: Physical exercise releases endorphins. It keeps the body functioning and is good for your overall health. I have read suggestions that we do a minimum of 30 minutes' aerobic exercise at least three times a week, but I think it is better if we do something every single day. Get a dog (I have three puppies to give away if you want a miniature long haired black and tan dachshund born March 23, 2012) and walk it every day. Find a buddy, an activity, a gym, and a routine that you can follow and make this important lifestyle change. Even during my most stressful life events, my exercise time has helped me to sleep better and to release a lot of ill-stored negative energy. My exercise time has also revealed some creative solutions to problems that would have consumed valuable time in the rest of my life. Exercise feels good and is good for you.

#5 - Nutrition: If I eat right, I feel better. If I take a few minutes at the beginning of the week and at the beginning or end of a day to plan ahead (see my calendar tip above), then I can plan appropriate meals. Because I teach all day and often have rehearsals at night, I need to have my meals planned and available to be eaten “on the go.” I have a list of usual suspects that I can grab quickly and go about my day. I eat a good breakfast too, which really helps to get my day off to a good start.

#6 - Breathing: Breathing is also good. It helps to relax tense muscles. I think we do not breathe deeply enough in general. When we experience stress, we generally tighten up muscles. When we take the time to practice deep breathing, we can relax knotted shoulders, tense  neck muscles, and a constricted diaphragm. Breathing will loosen all of that up. Breathing will also change your "angry" state, if you are feeling irritable due to stress. There are several good yoga breathing techniques that are useful to learn (Yoga Breathing Techniques, Breathing Techniques for Beginners, or Long Deep Breathing Techniques).

#7 - Writing: I believe that writing will go farther than anything else to combat stress. Even if it is just 10 minutes a day spent writing in a journal, I believe that we will sort out problems, create solutions, and anchor memories better with writing than with any other technique. There are wonderful books available to help us learn about journaling. Many of them are in Kindle Format, which makes it easy for me to carry my library with me wherever I go. Here is a list of my current favorites, and all are available in my Teach Suzuki Resource Store:

• Life’s Companion: Journal Writing as a Spiritual Quest by Christina Baldwin
• Journal to the Self: Twenty-Two Paths to Personal Growth by Kathleen Adams, M.A.
• Writing Down Your Soul by Janet Conner
• Write it Down, Make it Happen by Henriette Anne Klauser
• Put Your Heart on Paper: Staying Connected in a Loose Ends World by Henriette Anne Klauser
• Journalution by Sandy Grason
• The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
• With Pen in Hand: the Healing Power of Writing by Henriette Anne Klauser

#8 - Reading: Reading can be good for entertainment, but reading can also provide us with knowledge. Knowledge helps us to grow. Knowledge helps us to be prepared better for difficulties. I have a source list of books and materials that I regularly refer to in order to keep feeding my mind with information that I can use to strengthen my character, shore up my professional craft, and teach me how to improve all areas of my life. I am a big fan of John Maxwell and his numerous books about character and leadership development. I also read other websites and blogs, and I will make up a list for you of my favorite sites to visit. I have several Maxwell books and another book by Dr. Kevin Leman (Stopping Stress Before it Stops You: A Game Plan for Every Mom) in my Teach Suzuki Resource Store.

Along with my above suggestions, here are my top five websites that you may find useful on your journey to combat stress.

#1 - Helpguide and the Lifestyle Management Toolkit

Helpguide.org is a non-profit organization designed to provide ad-free tools for making better choices that concern your mental health, your lifestyle, your family, and aging well. The site is dedicated to Morgan Leslie Segal by her parents, Robert Segal, MA., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. Morgan committed suicide in 1996, and her parents believe that their daughter’s tragedy could have been prevented if their daughter had access to better information regarding antidepressants. The site collaborates with Harvard Health Publications, the consumer health publishing division of Harvard Medical School. Please visit the site’s managing stress toolkit and consider making a donation to keep the site ad-free.

#2 - The Mayo Clinic

The Mayo Clinic staff have put together a series of articles about stress and relaxation techniques. Visit this site to gather more information and ideas about ways to combat stress in your life.

#3 - WebMD

WebMD is a site that seeks to provide better information for better health. Part of its site is dedicated to stress management health with numerous articles about stress, its causes, and how to avoid it.

#4 - About.com

About.com is part of the New York Times Company and provides information about a variety of topics. One topic is stress management. The site provides articles related to managing stress overload, how stress affects your health, the causes of stress, how nutrition can help you manage stress, and stress effects.

#5 - Anti-Aging Hacks

The main purpose of this site is to combat aging by providing information to help you live longer and “stay young forever.” This link takes you to an article that provides 5 ways to combat stress, many of which are already included in my list above.

Please be sure to leave me a comment about your favorite methods to manage stress. Hang in there this week!

Monday Morning Check In: Visionary Leaders

Buzz words. Business is full of them, and they change constantly. Two sets of buzz words have been with us for awhile, and I want to talk about them today: leadership and vision statements.

I think we are all pretty clear on what a leader is. Even if the leader is not a very good one, we still understand the concept of leadership, that a leader is someone who gets others to follow him or her in a good or bad direction. How we become better leaders is a lifelong pursuit of knowledge and understanding, and I certainly have not come up with all the definitive answers.

We also understand that we need leaders in order to move forward, to make progress, to inspire, to motivate, and to set an example. We need followers too, but that is a discussion for another Monday Morning Check In.

Teachers are leaders. Parents, you are also teachers, so count yourself in the teacher group too. Not only are teachers the leaders of the next generation (and beyond), but they are also leaders of the current generation, including colleagues and members of the larger social circle. Teachers can potentially influence and lead an exponential number of people. The big question is: how do we teachers become the best possible leaders that we can be?

“What you see is what you can be.” John Maxwell wrote this in The Maxwell Daily Reader. Mr. Maxwell refers to our potential. What can we see about ourselves? What is our vision?

I agree with Mr. Maxwell that a vision comes first in order for a good leader to emerge. “People do what people see.” In order to motivate others, a leader must have a vision, be willing to implement that vision, and be able to communicate effectively about how to follow the vision. The leader must be responsible for how the vision grows and communicate his or her passion about the vision’s importance to others. The leader must pursue the vision wholeheartedly and inspire others to join the journey.

How do you develop or find a vision suitable for a visionary leader? That is the stuff of vision statements. Do not be confused between mission statements and vision statements, because these terms differ from each other. Although both refer generally to organizations, the terms can also be applied in an individual context as well. As defined by James Manktelow and the MindTools™ website, mission statements generally define a company’s purpose and primary objectives and are designed for an organization’s internal perspective and for measuring how the company will define its success.

A vision statement on the other hand looks externally. Like a mission statement, a vision statement also includes a purpose, but the statement focuses more on values and beliefs as the vision statement defines how things will be done. A mission statement will just sum up your SMART goal statements (for more about SMART goals, click here). A vision statement will sum up your beliefs and values about how you achieve your goals. A good leader will be remembered by the quality of his or her vision.

Here are three steps to build a vision statement:

• Determine what your mission is and what value your mission has for others. This is the part where you incorporate your beliefs and values into a framework that will reveal your future as you dream it.

• Determine what others will value most about how you accomplish your mission. What is the best that others will remember or appreciate when you accomplish your mission? Your mission may never end; the vision itself of what is possible may be something that generations to come will aspire to carry on.

• Sum up the above items and write out your vision statement in words that will inspire, energize, and motivate others.

I have always thought that teaching and music were my spiritual gifts. I have spent my entire life working to develop the expertise and ability to do well in both areas. In the past decade, and more specifically in the last few years, I have given a great deal of consideration to my mission and my vision. Dr. Suzuki's vision was that every child can learn. I believe that statement. I truly do.

What I also truly believe is that we teachers (and that includes parents too) and how we teach children have an enormous impact on how easily and well a child will learn. We can be stumbling blocks, disinterested spectators, and tired babysitters instead of effective, inspiring, and nurturing teachers. I know this because I see it everywhere. I hear from teachers everywhere who desire to learn more about how to guide the teacher's studio parents more effectively. I talk with other teachers about problems that arise in the teaching process, and many of these problems have little if anything to do with how to play the musical instrument!

I see parents who are without effective parenting skills, and they are publicly scolding their children or goading the children into obeying or following senseless (from the child's perspective) commands. I see parents who appear to be indifferent to their children and how their children will grow up, because the parents are so busy away from the home that they seldom interact effectively with their children in the home.

Parenting may not be easy. Every family has its own challenges and "growth spurts." I understand how difficult it must be for parents everywhere to be effective parents and teachers to their children. As a teacher who interacts frequently and intimately with this parent-child learning process, I have many observations to offer, knowledge to suggest, and expertise to share. I want to create a better world in which children will thrive and in which parents will enjoy the learning process with their children as much as I do.

Dr. Suzuki had his vision that every child could learn, and his mission was to develop the whole child into a fine human being with a fine heart.

My vision is that every child can learn and that I can equip parents and teachers to make that learning road as smooth as it can be. My mission is to build the best possible connection between the parent and the child in the parent-child relationship and to inspire other teachers to do the same.

What is your vision?