Monday Morning Check In: 8 Tips to Manage Stress

I have a lot of tips and links for you today. Last week we discussed stress. Today we will discuss how to manage stress. Notice that I used the word "manage" rather than "beat" or "eliminate." In the past few years, I have come to understand that stress may be inevitable in our lives.

When I consider how I might eliminate activities that cause undue stress in my life, my list appears ridiculous, because so many things that I do have the unpleasant potential to turn into unbearable stress. The flip side of looking to eliminate stressful activities is that many of these activities are things that I also enjoy doing. With every activity in my life that I enjoy comes the possibility of not enjoying it. Too much of a good thing, perhaps?

Here is an example. I love to teach. However, I do not love to teach in certain environments:

• when students are unprepared
• when parents seem to spend more energy making or looking for excuses not to ensure that the child is prepared for lessons
• when parents cancel lessons because other activities have a higher priority (and do not think ahead to reschedule)
• when parents frequently expect me to make schedule adjustments to accommodate the parents’ inability to schedule
• when parents come late to lessons or group class (one parent brought the child to class one hour late, after I had already dismissed that child’s class level)
• when parents come early to lessons (more than five minutes) and interrupt my break/lunch/phone/dinner time
• when parents do not bring their child to lessons or group classes and I have to spend time in lessons making up the material the child would have learned in class

Teaching is a wonderful profession, but because it is a service profession, there are many opportunities for stress to pile up and lead to burnout.

So what about playing in the symphony or other music ensembles? I love to play my violin and piano and enjoy playing in large ensembles and the quartet. However, even these activities can lead to unbearable stress as the groups near a performance date. Other members of the group may be experiencing stress of various kinds at the same moment, and how we each handle our individual stress loads may adversely impact the others around us. I get very irritable when I experience too much stress. Others may become petulant, defensive, and unpleasant to work with.

Here are my 8 personal tips for combating stress. These are not hard and fast rules. Instead I use these items as a guideline to keep me sane during insane times. I may not always follow my own tips, but the fact that I have a list at all of helpful tips is a good step toward managing stress when it rears its ugly head.

#1 - White Space Day: Aim for one day per week that has nothing on the calendar. My husband calls this “white space.” Others may call it a “Sabbath.” The purpose of white space is to allow yourself one day per week to enjoy the fruits of whatever you do on the other six days of the week.

#2 - Plan Ahead: If you maintain a calendar (and you should, at least as a courtesy to others), make a plan to look at it once a week in order to plan ahead. For me, I tend to look at the calendar on Sunday or Monday. I look at the coming week and sometimes the week afterwards. Getting a general feel for what is to come gives me a greater sense of control over the crazy stuff when it hits. For example, this week I have three evenings free. The remaining evenings will involve a long drive to another city. By looking ahead at my schedule in this way, I am aware of the time that I have available for:

• doing laundry
• making meals (where is that crock pot?)
• cleaning the house
• running errands
• scheduling makeup lessons

I maintain a small dry erase board in my bathroom, and while I brush my teeth before bed (2 minutes with electric toothbrush), I set out my clothes for the next day and write out the times that I need to wake up, feed the animals, get in the shower, and leave. The next morning, I follow my plan.

#3 - Alone Time: I need some time by myself when all is quiet around me and no one or no thing is competing for my attention. Usually I get a brief amount of time in the morning, when I write some “morning pages” and drink my coffee. The dogs have been taken care of and are snoozing nearby. I also find some time right before bedtime. My family has already gone to sleep, and the atmosphere is quiet again. I use this time for additional writing or for reading. Others may take bubble baths or do yoga. There are some individuals who need social time rather than alone time. Just do the reverse of what is discussed here. Make time to spend with friends.

#4 - Exercise: Physical exercise releases endorphins. It keeps the body functioning and is good for your overall health. I have read suggestions that we do a minimum of 30 minutes' aerobic exercise at least three times a week, but I think it is better if we do something every single day. Get a dog (I have three puppies to give away if you want a miniature long haired black and tan dachshund born March 23, 2012) and walk it every day. Find a buddy, an activity, a gym, and a routine that you can follow and make this important lifestyle change. Even during my most stressful life events, my exercise time has helped me to sleep better and to release a lot of ill-stored negative energy. My exercise time has also revealed some creative solutions to problems that would have consumed valuable time in the rest of my life. Exercise feels good and is good for you.

#5 - Nutrition: If I eat right, I feel better. If I take a few minutes at the beginning of the week and at the beginning or end of a day to plan ahead (see my calendar tip above), then I can plan appropriate meals. Because I teach all day and often have rehearsals at night, I need to have my meals planned and available to be eaten “on the go.” I have a list of usual suspects that I can grab quickly and go about my day. I eat a good breakfast too, which really helps to get my day off to a good start.

#6 - Breathing: Breathing is also good. It helps to relax tense muscles. I think we do not breathe deeply enough in general. When we experience stress, we generally tighten up muscles. When we take the time to practice deep breathing, we can relax knotted shoulders, tense  neck muscles, and a constricted diaphragm. Breathing will loosen all of that up. Breathing will also change your "angry" state, if you are feeling irritable due to stress. There are several good yoga breathing techniques that are useful to learn (Yoga Breathing Techniques, Breathing Techniques for Beginners, or Long Deep Breathing Techniques).

#7 - Writing: I believe that writing will go farther than anything else to combat stress. Even if it is just 10 minutes a day spent writing in a journal, I believe that we will sort out problems, create solutions, and anchor memories better with writing than with any other technique. There are wonderful books available to help us learn about journaling. Many of them are in Kindle Format, which makes it easy for me to carry my library with me wherever I go. Here is a list of my current favorites, and all are available in my Teach Suzuki Resource Store:

• Life’s Companion: Journal Writing as a Spiritual Quest by Christina Baldwin
• Journal to the Self: Twenty-Two Paths to Personal Growth by Kathleen Adams, M.A.
• Writing Down Your Soul by Janet Conner
• Write it Down, Make it Happen by Henriette Anne Klauser
• Put Your Heart on Paper: Staying Connected in a Loose Ends World by Henriette Anne Klauser
• Journalution by Sandy Grason
• The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
• With Pen in Hand: the Healing Power of Writing by Henriette Anne Klauser

#8 - Reading: Reading can be good for entertainment, but reading can also provide us with knowledge. Knowledge helps us to grow. Knowledge helps us to be prepared better for difficulties. I have a source list of books and materials that I regularly refer to in order to keep feeding my mind with information that I can use to strengthen my character, shore up my professional craft, and teach me how to improve all areas of my life. I am a big fan of John Maxwell and his numerous books about character and leadership development. I also read other websites and blogs, and I will make up a list for you of my favorite sites to visit. I have several Maxwell books and another book by Dr. Kevin Leman (Stopping Stress Before it Stops You: A Game Plan for Every Mom) in my Teach Suzuki Resource Store.

Along with my above suggestions, here are my top five websites that you may find useful on your journey to combat stress.

#1 - Helpguide and the Lifestyle Management Toolkit

Helpguide.org is a non-profit organization designed to provide ad-free tools for making better choices that concern your mental health, your lifestyle, your family, and aging well. The site is dedicated to Morgan Leslie Segal by her parents, Robert Segal, MA., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. Morgan committed suicide in 1996, and her parents believe that their daughter’s tragedy could have been prevented if their daughter had access to better information regarding antidepressants. The site collaborates with Harvard Health Publications, the consumer health publishing division of Harvard Medical School. Please visit the site’s managing stress toolkit and consider making a donation to keep the site ad-free.

#2 - The Mayo Clinic

The Mayo Clinic staff have put together a series of articles about stress and relaxation techniques. Visit this site to gather more information and ideas about ways to combat stress in your life.

#3 - WebMD

WebMD is a site that seeks to provide better information for better health. Part of its site is dedicated to stress management health with numerous articles about stress, its causes, and how to avoid it.

#4 - About.com

About.com is part of the New York Times Company and provides information about a variety of topics. One topic is stress management. The site provides articles related to managing stress overload, how stress affects your health, the causes of stress, how nutrition can help you manage stress, and stress effects.

#5 - Anti-Aging Hacks

The main purpose of this site is to combat aging by providing information to help you live longer and “stay young forever.” This link takes you to an article that provides 5 ways to combat stress, many of which are already included in my list above.

Please be sure to leave me a comment about your favorite methods to manage stress. Hang in there this week!

Quick Practicing Focus: Tin Man Day!

I declare that today is Tin Man Day!

Remember the Tin Man from the movie "The Wizard of Oz"? When Dorothy first discovers the Tin Man, he is standing out in the elements and completely rusted over. None of his joints move. Dorothy and her companion, the brainless Scarecrow, are about to desert the rust bucket and continue on their journey, but they hear a faint sound come from the lips of the man. They hurry to oil the Tin Man's joints and free him from his rusted state, and so enters another character in the great fable of Oz.

I have often recreated the Tin Man character in my studio when I am faced with frozen, immoveable joints and hinges. In fact, this is something that I regularly watch for in my students. Any joint in the body has the potential to become rusted to a standstill. My job is to find those points and to get the joints loosened up again. We do not use an oil can, but we have fun rubbing some special lotion on the area. Somehow the visual representation of putting lubrication on the affected joint helps students to loosen up the rusty hinge.

So today we look for any rusty hinges or joints in the body: neck, shoulder, elbow, wrist, fingers, hips, knees, ankles, and feet. Get that bottle of lotion out and start lubricating the stiff spots! Make up a game to do this, or use the Tin Man story, as I do.

Happy Tin Man Day!

Teaching Tip: Be Observant!

One of the best tips that I can offer a teacher or parent about how to be more effective as a teacher or parent is to be observant and pay attention to your student or child. When you watch carefully, you will figure out a great deal about what is going on in the head of that student or child. You will also gain valuable clues as to issues that negatively impact the student’s or child’s learning.

I was always fascinated with the stories of Dr. Suzuki’s listening to graduation recordings sent in by students. How, I wondered, could he be able to offer comments about the student’s posture or character issues just by listening to a recording? Now that I have taught for so many years myself, I can now understand how Dr. Suzuki accomplished this feat. I discern many things about a student, not only by watching the student, but also by listening, and using my sense of touch.

Most of the people in the world are visual learners, which means that they take in what happens around them through visual stimuli using their eyes. Try the following experiment: activate your “super ears” by closing your eyes and really listening hard without simultaneous visual stimulation.

How does your student or child sound when they walk into the room? A high school student of mine loves to wear a particular pair of cowboy boots. I can tell how she feels about herself and the upcoming lesson just by the way she clicks her feet when she walks into the room.

Can you hear that the student’s right elbow is too high or that there is tension in the student’s shoulder? The wispy tone is a dead giveaway. A high elbow usually means an over-pronated bow hold too. The index finger may be drooped over the stick and the pinkie may be straight and stiff, and the thumb may be showing signs of pushing through the underside of the frog and turning into a banana rather than being bent and strong and resting against the frog.

Can you hear the clunky bow change at the frog or the crunchy bow changes in general no matter what part of the bow? Check the bow hold again. Is the student relaxed? Is the student hanging out in the lower half of the bow most of the time?

Hear that slippery bow sound at the beginnings of notes? You can bet that the student’s bow is crooked or off the contact point in general. Or maybe the student is getting that squishy, soft sul tasto sound, where the bow is slipping over the fingerboard. Again, check the bow hold and see whether the student is completely opening up the right elbow when traveling the bow to the tip. Many students get a little bit sloppy and floppy once they develop “finger motion” with the right hand fingers, and the bow hold tends to suffer. Also, once students start reading music, they tend to focus on the music more and listen to the sound they produce less overall. I encourage my reading students to memorize their music repertoire as quickly as they can so that we can refocus on good posture, good articulation, and good sound. 

Now open your eyes and really observe your student or child. Are they looking at the music, if reading music is your purpose? I can tell by watching whether a student is really reading the music or whether they are playing by ear (or memory) and “appearing” to look at the music. Watch the student’s eyes. Are they focused or glazing over? Do they follow along with the music or does the student lose his or her place occasionally?

I have a really intelligent parent who has this disconcerting habit of slipping into a fixated stare at me in the middle of an instruction or conversation. I cannot tell if she is really listening to me or pretending to. The next time I experience this stare, I plan to stop talking or doing anything even if I am in mid-sentence. I cannot think of any other way to test my theory out. If she is really paying attention and just has that funny “look” in general when she is concentrating on a conversation or activity, then she will respond instantly to my stopping in the middle of my sentence or activity and ask me why I stopped. If she does not respond to my interrupted speech, my suspicion will be confirmed (at least at that moment in time), and I will need to think of a way to address this issue.

Students are a bit trickier to discover when they are not paying attention. I see it as a lack of focus in the eyes. I also stop talking in these cases and consider whether talking is feeding the child’s tendency to “wander off” mentally. I usually draw the child’s focus back onto the activity or conversation by engaging them in conversation with a question about the activity. My questions begin with “what” or “how” in order to solicit actual responses of more than one or two words. (Note: I am not discussing specialized cases of learning issues here, such as ADD or ADHD).

With eyes closed again, feel the energy in the air as your student enters the studio. I can tell when a parent or child have had a fight in the car on the way to a lesson or when a student has had a hard day at school just by the quality of energy (or lack of it) when they enter the room. I sometimes hear that there was a fight because the student’s “hello” is glum and fuming, while the parent’s voice is overly cheerful and upbeat. I have even been able to tell which child is the parent’s favorite or easiest to raise in a family of more than one child just by listening to the parent’s tone of voice when they address each child. Parents beware of this! If I can hear a difference in the tone of voice, you can be sure that the children can too.

This week, be observant about your student or child. You may learn something new.

How to Determine What Size Violin for your Child

The beauty of learning to play the violin is that the instrument comes in many different sizes. There is practically a size for every child! Granted, the 1/64 size violin is probably more suited to being bronzed and hung from the rear view mirror of a car like a child's first baby shoes. For a very small or very young child who is taking his or her first violin lessons, this tiny violin is a treasured possession to the child and a frequent reminder to the child's parent of the treasured gift that music lessons will give to the parent and the child.

How does a teacher or parent size the child to determine which violin size will best suit the child?

I recommend that parents seek the advice of the child's teacher first and foremost before making any purchase or rental decision. The teacher may have a preferred method of sizing the child, as I do, and the teacher would therefore appreciate that the parent seeks direction from the teacher. There are many different ways to determine a child's violin size, and I have seen some tools on the market that are designed to help the sizing process. I do not use these tools, and I do not use special fingerboard tapes that have the finger spots already marked on them. My reason is very simple. All violins sizes vary.

Just because a violin bears a label that it is a ¼-size violin does not mean that the violin would fit the typical ¼-size violin student adequately. There are variations within the general size labels. There are "bigger" and "smaller" ¼-size violins. A child may do very well with a smaller ¼-size but have a great deal of difficulty playing well with a larger ¼-size violin. For this reason, I ask my parents to follow my "system" of sizing the child. I demonstrate my instrument sizing method to the parent in the studio during the child's lesson or at a group class when there are many violin sizes available to try. If the parent goes to the violin shop and I cannot be there (which is usually the case since we live in a rural area about an hour's drive from the violin shops), I know that I have been careful to instruct the parent in my preferred method of sizing the child. I have also made sure that the violin shop understands exactly how I wish my students to be measured for a violin sizing.

When I place the violin under the child's chin and stretch out the child's violin arm as far straight out as it will go, I would like the center of the violin's scroll to reach the child's wrist. If the violin is a little bit too big, then I opt for a smaller size. The child should not have to "grow into" a violin size. That "grow into" philosophy might work well for clothing sizes, but it does not work for violin sizing. If a child is asked to play for a time on an instrument that is too big, the child will develop some very bad posture habits, such as turning the violin elbow outward instead of under the violin, or tilting the head to the right as if to see "around" the violin. I have one such student now who had been playing on a violin that was too large for over a year. Now that he has come to me, and time has dutifully passed, we are still working two years later on correcting the incorrect posture alignment problems that arose during the "too large" phase.

After checking that the violin and arm length are a good fit, I then hold the violin flat across the student's upper chest and take a look at how the instrument fits with the shoulders. Ideally the instrument should appear as if it "fits" between the shoulders rather than looking as if the instrument dwarfs the child. Some children are from sturdier, stockier family designs, like rugby or defensive football linemen in the making. In these cases, sometimes a smaller instrument would be easier for the child to maneuver his or her muscles around. Measuring the violin across the shoulders would reveal this possibility if it exists.

Other Problems

Tall Students. A very, very tall student may pose an additional sizing problem because the student’s neck may be rather long. In this case, the student may have to scrunch the shoulder up and squeeze the chin down to get a good "fit" in the violin hold. This is quite uncomfortable for the student and may lead to neck and other muscle problems down the road. The first remedy this student might try is to use a taller shoulder rest. The problem is that by building up underneath the violin to fill in the empty space, we are also raising the height level of the violin. A violin that is too high in relation to the rest of the body will also cause muscle problems and unwanted muscle tension.

The better solution is to find a way to build up the violin to the normal specification underneath and then to provide the student with a way to fill up the empty space from the top of the instrument. We might try a higher chin rest, or in the case of one student I knew years ago, use something under the chin rest to raise the chin rest height in relation to the instrument.

Short or Stocky Students.

Irregular Finger Length. Occasionally I run into a student whose fingers seem to be irregular in length. For instance the pinkie finger may be a tad shorter in length with regard to the other fingers or one of the other fingers is longer than is typical. There is not much that a teacher can do to accommodate the unusual sizing in these cases except to encourage the student to find an instrument size that works best for the student.

Inconsistent Growth. A growing student will not grow evenly all around. The student may gain a quarter inch on one side and an eighth inch on the other. The student’s neck may lengthen, but the student’s body may stay the same. I like to use the wedge sponges as shoulder rests to accommodate growing students. The sponges come in six sizes, and I can easily switch from one size to another in a lesson. If a student's violin hold tends to tip the violin “upward,” I try a larger size sponge. Sometimes a small child may be playing on a size 6 wedge sponge (the largest size!) while playing on a ¼-size violin. When a student moves up to the next larger size, we might try a smaller sponge to accommodate the increased instrument width between the shoulder and the chin.

My sizing method may not be the same as your method. I recognize that there are many ways to do this. This is my preferred method. Keep in mind that there may be other factors that will impact a sizing decision, such as the child’s body size overall, the child's hand size, irregular finger length, and inconsistent growth. My key points are these:

• Develop a sizing method for your studio that produces the type of results that work for you.
• Make sure that your instrument provider or dealer understands your method of sizing your students. In other words, make sure that you and your shop owner are “on the same page” when it comes to sizing your students.
• Make sure the parent takes the child to the violin shop in order to be there for the proper sizing process.
• Do not allow your students to choose instruments that are too big. Students will not “grow into” the correct size without other unnecessary posture problems that may be difficult to correct later.
• Follow your teacher’s advice about sizing!

Please feel free to share your particular method for determining what size instrument a student needs.

Quick Practice Tip: Releasing Tension in the Shoulder

The shoulder is a magnet for tension, especially as the student matures in age. Just about all of my older students or adults exhibit shoulder tension. Shoulder tension must be an adult person's most favorite way to "hold it in." I know that this was the case for me. I still work at it, and I have developed a few tricks to help me set my playing posture in a relaxed way.

Try these three simulations or games away from the violin:

• When driving your car, rest your hands on the steering wheel at the 10 and 2 o'clock positions (please make sure that you are still paying attention to the road!). While you are driving, notice how light your hands feel on the wheel. Now, let your shoulders relax and your arms hang down. If you do this exercise correctly, you will notice that your hands begin to feel fairly heavy and hang from the steering wheel almost enough to pull the wheel down. Your shoulders are now completely relaxed.

• When you are standing in church, rest your hands on the pew back in front of you. Or if you grocery shop instead, rest your hands on the handle of the shopping cart. Notice how light your hands feel on the pew back or shopping cart handle. Now let your shoulders relax and your arms rest downward. If you do this exercise correctly, you will notice that your hands begin to feel fairly heavy and hang from the pew or shopping cart handle quite strongly. Your shoulders are now completely relaxed.

• Spaghetti Arms Game: You will need a partner for this game. Have your partner make fists in both hands and hold up the thumbs like joysticks. You grab onto the "joysticks." Your partner will then swing your arms around wildly, trying to take you for a wild amusement park ride and shake you off. Your goal is to stay connected to the joystick but to allow your partner to flail your arms around wherever your partner wants to go. If you are completely relaxed with "spaghetti arms" and still hanging onto the "joysticks," then your shoulders are completely relaxed. Note that this game is the most similar simulation to that of playing the violin. The joystick is your bow hold, which must be turned on. Your relaxed arms are how your shoulder should be: aware, relaxed, and going wherever it is led.

Try these two simulations with the violin:

• Submarine Air Lock Game: Pretend you are on a submarine, but you need to explore outside the vessel. Go into the air lock chamber. Turn on the mechanism that lets the air out of the chamber. Now you are ready to go outside the vessel. Relate this to the violin.

• Set your bow on the string at the frog. Now, release the air from your shoulder.

• "Set, Sink" are the two commands I use.

• Flat Tire Game: Set your bow on the string at the frog. Now release the air from your tire (shoulder) so that it goes flat.

Carry this to the next level in review work or group class activities:

• Play "Song of the Wind" (violin book 1) and stop after every down bow circle. Recite "Set, Sink" before playing the next note. Make sure your bow hold is impeccable.

• Play "Allegro" (violin book 1) and add  "Set, Sink" after every down bow circle.

• Play "Perpetual Motion" (violin book 1) with a down bow circle after every note. "Set, sink."

• Play "Etude" with a down bow circle after every note. "Set, sink."

• Play "Chorus" (violin book 2) and add "Set, Sink" after every down bow circle.

• Play "The Two Grenadiers" (violin book 2) and note the three down bow circle places. Are you setting and sinking at those places?

• In violin book 4 and the Seitz concertos, there are several opportunities to set and sink the shoulder when placing down bows at the start of new sections. Play these concertos and ask the student to find places where the "set, sink" idea will be effective.

When I first realized how much tension I had allowed to creep into my shoulder while playing my violin, I also found many opportunities to address the issue. I used my teaching in the studio to allow me to practice the exercises I have outlined above. I also found opportunities in symphony rehearsals and concerts to remind myself to "set, sink" before playing The only adjustment I had to make was to get ready to play in symphony a little earlier than usual to allow myself enough time to actually "set, sink." To this day, I still remind myself to "set, sink" after every down bow circle or after I have set my bow on the string.

I also practice this exercise while driving, singing hymns in church, or grocery shopping.