Teenagers: How to Keep Them Motivated?

[The following article is excerpted from a presentation given at the 2018 IMTEX conference in

Remscheid, Germany. If you would like to listen to the podcast episode, click here.]

Motivating young children can seem simple. Sometimes it is just a matter of smiling a lot, showing enthusiasm, having fun, and turning most activities into a "game." To motivate the older student is different, because the older student looks for other kinds of things than the younger child.

Teenagers have needs like all of us, but what young people once received from their parents when they were young children, teens now need from others, such as: love, support, encouragement, nurturing, acceptance, and attention. Teens no longer need their parents to direct them as much. Instead, teens need helpful attention; they want to work alongside others.

Teachers can play an important role at this stage because teachers are more removed from the teenager's personal life and are more objective. A teacher's success depends on:

• giving encouragement

• guiding the process

• acknowledging and respecting the teen's choices

• allowing the teen to learn from his or her mistakes

• asking questions

• entering into discussions

• experimenting together

The key word in this process is together. The teen has a strong need to work alongside and together with others.

I believe it is possible to begin this process from the very start of lessons. A teacher can create a learning environment to allow opportunities for the teacher and the teen to learn together. Once the teacher establishes this "together" environment, the process can grow and expand as the teen matures.

Situations change as the teen grows older. The teacher will need to engage the teen and encourage him or her to consider more choices. The teacher can offer more in the way of guiding principles, as long as the teacher is receptive to the teen's own discoveries or suggestions of different approaches or execution. Sometimes my teen students come up with ideas of alternate ways to practice, perform, or solve technical problems that I have not discovered. As a teacher, I need to honor and respect that possibility.

Our responsibility as teachers in this process will be to show our teen students these things:

• How to make wise decisions

• What kinds of questions to ask

• What kinds of decisions to make

When working with teens, keep in mind that teens want to claim more space in the world and be bigger in the social arena. They want to be treated as adults. Although teens think that they are ready to take on the world, we adults know in actuality how scary and difficult the world really is. Teens lack the experience that we adults have, although teens think they are ready. We adults recognize in actuality that teens may be ill-prepared for the challenges that they will face when they live in an adult world.

What will be important for a teacher to do during this time is to foster good communication and a strong personal relationship in order to weather any difficult storms later. The teacher needs to be a "safe haven" during any time that the teen struggles to handle life's problems. The teacher needs to offer helpful guidance that will steer the teen back into conversations with the teen's parents. Overall, the teacher must show the teen respect and that the teacher cares.

We teachers have a useful perspective when it comes to working with teens because we do not share the same emotional and family experience. We can therefore offer objective critical and analytical advice to help teens enter into further conversations with the teen's parents.

Along with emotional changes, teens also experience many physical changes as their bodies mature. Many of these changes are chemical and affect the teen's moods and emotions. These chemicals can cause the teen to experience inadequate sleep and become moody. The teen may sulk and engage in other disrespectful behaviors.

There are two ways to handle such unpleasant interactions:

• Direct confrontation: Many parents and other adults engage in this option, but the result is generally that the teen will become more rebellious and uncooperative.

• Engage differently: Parents and adults can interact differently with the teen and do these things:

• listen more actively

• show more respect for the teen's desires and preferences

• share concerns but continue the conversation in a respectful way

When a teenager gets into trouble, it is usually because the teenager did not

have an opportunity to learn how to control that part of the teenager's life.

So how do we help a teen to learn how to control more areas of the teen's life? We can structure things to gradually allow the teen more opportunities to become more independent. Most importantly, we can allow the teen to learn and grow into independence. Rather than giving instructions and commands, we can allow the teen to take on more responsibility and gain more experience, including the experience of analyzing problems, finding solutions, and taking personal responsibility for outcomes and decisions.

What are some examples of areas that we teachers could offer a teen a gradual experience of taking on more personal responsibility? We could put the teen in charge of certain areas of the teen's home practice, such as maintaining the practice handbook records or completing the assigned review program. For many of my older, more tech-savvy students, I have found that scheduling issues related to lessons and makeups are better handled by the students rather than the parents. I also regularly engage my students in discussions about goal setting and supplemental repertoire choices. The teacher can play a big part in offering opportunities for the teen to stretch the teen's independence muscles.

In the beginning of this article, I wrote that teenagers need helpful attention. How can we teachers provide that? We can build a close and cooperative relationship. We can show our teens that we care about them, and that we will respond to their questions and needs. We can enjoy them and be interested in the persons they are and in what they are doing. We can listen to them talk and solicit their ideas and suggestions. Dr. Suzuki asked us to show everyone respect, and I believe the this means to show respect to everyone, even teenagers. We adults are so accustomed to take on the caretaking role so completely with younger children, that sometimes we forget how to loosen the reins and allow our children to mature into the independent adults they need to be to survive in the world. When we show our teenagers respect, we are showing them that they are important people. ("You're not the boss of me").

When things seem difficult with our teens, we can remind ourselves that they will not be teenagers forever. They will grow into different people with different opinions. We can choose to accept who they are in this moment with enthusiasm and without judgment ("Don't judge me").

Teens have special needs. They desire to be distinct individuals ("I'm my own person"). For music teachers, we can easily help teens fulfill this need merely by encouraging the teens' music pursuits, since this subject is distinctly individual. Teens also desire to be treated separately from their parents and their childhood ("I'm not a baby anymore"). A teacher is in a special role in this instance because teachers and other providers of instruction outside of the home stand outside the home and are therefore more closely aligned with the outside world.

We can recognize and encourage the teens' needs to have meaningful relationships with friends, classmates, and others outside of the home. Summer camps, institutes, workshops, conferences, youth orchestras, and school programs and groups are some of the many experiences that will provide teens with the opportunities to make friends and find emotional support outside the home.

Perhaps the most important thing a teacher can do is to serve as a role model for the teen. In this role, teachers help shape students' attitudes toward life and others. Teachers can demonstrate the best ways to handle typical life situations: conflict resolution, positive outlook about life, belief in the potential of life and the future, and positive impact for others. We can model the philosophy that Dr. Suzuki advocated -- that we serve something and someone greater than ourselves. We can role model how to serve our community and the world that we live in.

I sent a survey of questions to several teenager students, and I would like to share the answers from six of them in a future installment of this blog article. So stay tuned!

If you are interested in further discussion about the "overparenting" and "helicopter parents" issues, I have produced several podcast issues on these topics and reviewed the book, How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success by Julie Lythcott-Haims (click here for the book).

How to Raise an Adult (Avoid Overparenting, part 1) (podcast episode)

What is Our Messge (How to Raise an Adult, part 2) (podcast episode)

Life Skills for Children (Avoid Overparenting, part 3) (podcast episode)

Teach Them to Think (Avoid Overparenting, part 4) (podcast episode)

Until next time,

Happy Practicing!

----- Paula -----

© 2019 by Paula E. Bird

10 Rules for Success for Suzuki Parents

Everyone likes to follow a prescription for success. The message is so promising: follow this 10-step plan and success will be yours.

In truth, there are simple steps that Suzuki parents can follow that will lead to successful practices in the Suzuki home. Here is a list of my ten favorite rules for success:

Arm in Cast Bow Practice

Practice Every Day! Teachers like to quote Dr. Suzuki: "You don't have to practice every day, only on the days that you eat." This advice takes care of the issue of illness. Even if students have an injury, they can still practice with some accommodation. Practicing every day keeps the memory alive, the muscles warm, and the motivation inspired. I have a student at the university who has practiced every day since she was five years old, even when she was in the hospital.

Listen Every Day! This rule seems so simple to me that I am surprised to discover a parent who forgets to do it. The magic of daily listening is incredible. Learning seems effortless. What parent does not want that?

Attend Lessons. When students and parents attend lessons regularly, there is little opportunity to pick up bad habits or overlook incorrectly learned material. Go to lessons, even if you or your child may not be feeling 100%. If you must miss a lesson, send a video recording of the child playing through the lesson material. I have counseled many students in this manner when we were unable to see each other in person due to illness. I could identify immediately any incorrect habits or other practice issues before the student had gone too far down the learning path.

Attend Group Classes. Children love to learn with other children. When parents complain to me that they are having a hard time at home trying to motivate their children to practice, I ask whether the parents and students come to group class. Group classes are fun and great motivators for home practice. The smart parent will use group classes as a way to encourage, inspire, and motivate the student to practice at home. Group classes are also a great way for teachers to address one point to a large group all at once. If parents miss group classes, parents may miss out on important announcements or that terrific, fun activity that can only happen in a group setting.

Take Notes at Lessons. Parents can mold home practices much easier if they have information available to them from the lesson. The best way to do this is for the parents to take notes at the lesson. If the teacher has to do this, then the teacher is taking up teaching time to do it. Also, the teacher may be rushed for time or unable to remember all that occurred during the lesson, so the teacher may not be as thorough at noting what needs to be practiced based on what occurred at the lesson as the parent would be. Taking notes is as simple as just writing a narrative of what occurred at the lesson. Write these notes as bullet points. Parents will be surprised to discover how much information will be revealed through the simple act of taking notes at lessons.

Take Notes at Institutes, Workshops, and Group Classes. Yes, you can take notes in other settings besides lessons, and parents will gather much useful information. Why wait until your child has a sagging left hand or crooked bow, when you can see that useful information in another child's lesson or in a group class? Start a parent notebook today. You will treasure this notebook later as a collection of memories of your child's Suzuki journey.

Learn About the Suzuki Method. Read one of Dr. Suzuki's books:

                    

(These are affiliate links, which mean that they are no additional cost to you, but if you use these links, then I will receive a small benefit for the work of writing the blog. You are never under any obligation to purchase anything, but if you do, please consider using these links or the links provided in my resources store.)

I think we all should educate ourselves as much as we can about the Suzuki Method and Dr. Suzuki's work concerning talent education so that we can share his message with confidence and knowledge. We are ambassadors to the world about this fabulous journey.

Mentor A New Parent. If you are a seasoned parent in the Suzuki world, pass on that knowledge to another parent who may be new to the studio or the Suzuki method. When we teach, we learn twice, as my blog states at the top of the page. Share your knowledge with another parent. Be a mentor for someone and accept the advice and assistance of a parent who has blazed the trail before you.

Practice With Your Child. I am dismayed to witness the large number of parents who seem almost eager to pass up the opportunity to spend time with their children in lessons, group classes, and practices. Rather than sit close and observe what the child learns, these parents drift away to another room and a different activity. Even if the child has matured enough to practice independently, the parent can still maintain a close connection with the work the child does in practices. Listen to the child play, involve the student in conversations about the learning and the practice work, and most of all, stay connected. Show interest. Be interested. Children grow up too fast. Capture as many moments and memories of this time as you can today before this time passes by. Put your phone away and watch your child amaze you.

Make the Suzuki Journey a Part of Your Entire Life. Suzuki music lessons are not something to be turned on and off once a day during practices or once a week at lessons and group classes. The Suzuki method is a philosophy for life and learning. Look for ways to use the knowledge of Dr. Suzuki in other aspects of your life, such as structuring a home environment of chores, service, learning, and cooperation as a family with others in the work place, at school, or in the community. Spread the word about the wealth and beauty of the method through your actions as a parent and family within your larger world and community.

I guarantee that if Suzuki parents were to follow these 10 basic rules for success, their children would have smiling faces and happy practices!

Happy Practicing!

----- Paula -----

© 2016 by Paula E. Bird

You Can't Make Me Do It! (Or Can You?)

This is the last in our series of discussions about environment, and although we have not yet said everything there is to say about this topic, we have covered a lot of ground. If you are interested in revisiting my previous articles about environment, I have posted links below at the end of this article.

"No! I Don't Want to!"

In previous articles we have discussed physical environment and its impact on our teaching and learning "atmosphere." We also discussed briefly about how the concept of time and its impact on our scheduling can impact our environment. I would like to discuss now another aspect of our psychological environment: motivation.

What is motivation? Motivation is what is inside us that drives us to do something. Motivation is the reason behind any goal-directed behavior. Motivation is what causes us to act:

• What motivates me to get a drink of water? "I'm thirsty" is usually the motivation behind that behavior.

• What motivates a student to practice?
• "I want to get better." [perfect]
• "My mom will kill me if I don't." [sad]
• "My teacher expects it, and I like to please my teacher." [better, still . . .]

• What motivates parents to sign their child up for music lessons?
• "I want my child to share my joy in making music." [great]
• "I want my child to be exposed to as many things as possible, and I heard that music lessons were good." [maybe]
• "We have a teacher within a short driving distance, and she has a slot that fits our needs." [um, maybe not]
• "I want to fill my child's heart with beauty." [I hope this parent calls me]

The problem with motivation is that it is internal and invisible to the outside world. We cannot see someone else's motivation; we can only infer motivation from what we see someone do.

As teachers and parents we want our students and children to be motivated to do well at lessons and practices. How can we motivate them to do that?

The Joy of Music

 Dr. Suzuki is often quoted as saying, "Man is the son of his environment." Dr. Suzuki recognized the value of the environment. This is a subject that bears thinking about and discussing at great length. One article will not cover the subject to its very edges. We can, however, still bring up several good ideas.

What motivates students to learn? To practice? To want to play an instrument? Here is a partial list of possibilities to add music to the environment and strengthen the motivational building block:

• Listen to good music (recordings, concerts, videos)
• Observe good performances (concerts, videos)
• Arrange home recitals or other community performance events (local shopping center, grocery store, town market days)
• Attend or organize talent shows or school performance events
• Observe other student lessons and performances
• Observe and attend group classes where the student can observe other role models and even serve as a role model as well for younger or less experienced students
• Attend performances given by the teacher, who is also a good performance role model

On the home front, there are several things that parents could include in home practices to bolster motivation:

• set goals for learning and practices
• create a practice plan and method for following through
• teach how to set goals and work to achieve them
• offer applause and appreciation
• show enthusiasm and excitement
• be fascinated and curious
• discover and experiment
• say kind words
• smile and laugh
• give love, affection, and hugs
• create quality time and quantity time (in other words, lots of quality time!)

As you can see, the possibilities to create, build, and fuel motivation are limitless. If we were to focus on ways to create and maintain an environment that encourages motivation, we would be able to come up with even more ideas. Please write me comments that suggest other ways that you have found to motivate your students or your children to want to be involved in this fabulous world of beautiful music.

If you were interested in reading the previous articles that I posted recently about environment, you may find them below:

Studio Focus: Environment: This article discusses how focusing on our environment might impact behavior and learning.

Studio Focus: Physical Environment: This article argues that when we are mindful, aware, and observant about our environment, mood, and energy, we will have a favorable impact on our teaching, practicing, and learning environment.

Studio Focus: Physical Environment and Timing: This article considers how time and timing impacts our environment.

Happy Practicing!

----- Paula -----

© 2016 by Paula E. Bird