How to Start a New Student and Parent | Resources for New Parents or Teachers

Recently the Teach Suzuki Podcast broadcast an episode about how I start a new student and parent. In this episode, I explore the idea of parent education and how that might fit within the studio program. I also discussed my 5-point lesson plan for Pretwinkle students and some basic types of activities that I might teach and games that I might include.

Here is the link to listen to that episode: Episode 176: How to Start a New Student and Parent.

To celebrate the start of a new season of music studio teaching, I am a list of resources to guide parents and teachers on the Suzuki journey, which include episodes related to Suzuki parent education and two short films that describe my book, The Twinkle Project.

The following two short films thoughtfully describe my book The Twinkle Project and explain why I wrote the book and what the book is about. The films include delightful pictures of students and parents to illustrate the importance of the material contained within the book.







The book is being offered at a 20% discounted price through September 2 (Labor Day). To claim the 20% discount, enter the code fall2019 at the final checkout.

In addition to the book, here is a list of Suzuki parent education resources on the podcast:

Helping Parents

Teach Suzuki Podcast

The 6 Suzuki Philosophy Points

Listen to This! (importance of a daily listening program)

Top 10 Things a Suzuki Parent Should Know

How Parents Can Help at Lessons

How to Take Notes at Lessons

How to Help at Group Classes

If you would like to know more about the podcast, visit the podcast website.

Until next time,

Happy Practicing!

----- Paula -----

© 2019 by Paula E. Bird

Breaking Up: How to Sever the Suzuki Triangle in a Positive Way

Never is there a good time for a teacher-student relationship to end. Let us discuss this important issue and identify ways to minimize the emotional damage for the parent, the student, and especially the teacher. In my experience the parent is usually the quickest to end the teaching-learning relationship, and sometimes a parent is unaware of the teacher's emotional connection. Teachers often hang onto a teaching relationship longer than perhaps they should because of the tremendous amount of emotional investment the teacher has made.

The teacher's relationship with a student is a very personal one. In order to effective and influential, the teacher must give something of him- or herself. A good teacher does not just give instructions, advice, and directions. A good teacher addresses the whole personality of the student and mentally prepares a program that will encourage, strengthen, and nurture the student to reach his or her greatest potential. Although some teachers may fall short of this mark or may not be the best fit in a particular teaching situation, I believe that most teachers would agree with me about this purpose of good teachers.

How does one break up this teacher-student relationship and in many cases the teacher-parent relationship in a positive way that does not wreak emotional harm and damage? Is there a good way to end a relationship of this type?

Three persons share a part of the Suzuki teaching relationship, so we should consider all of these several perspectives. The typical teaching-learning relationship will include the teacher, the student, and the parent. In the Suzuki world this is referred to as the Suzuki Triangle. Each point of the triangle is important to the growth and potential of the learning situation. If one person along the point of the triangle is not doing his or her job, the shape of the triangle will be altered in a way that may be detrimental to the student's continued learning success. The most optimum teaching-learning environment is one in which each point of the triangle is at its strongest.

Each part of the triangle is important:

• The teacher's responsibility is to teach the parent how to be an effective teacher or coach on the home front during the student's home practices. The teacher also teaches the student all the technical aspects of making a good sound on the instrument and of effectively expressing a musical idea or emotion. The teacher has typically attended many institutions of higher learning and taken many different levels of teacher training in order to be effective in this aspect of teaching.

• The parent's responsibility is to teach the child at home in the teacher's stead. The parent is responsible for playing the listening assignments and for practicing the assigned homework material. In addition, the parent assists the child in learning a new piece (fingerings and bowing) and in practicing effectively.

• The child's responsibility is to simply be a child. We allow the child to attend to his or her learning through the child's senses, at the child's optimum pace, within the framework of the child's ability to concentrate, and helping the child achieve skill development through effective review and repetition as the child focuses on one thing at a time.

At some point in the process, the distinctions between the various triangle roles disappear and the parties take on added or different roles. The teacher strives to guide the student to be his or her teacher in many respects as the student attains the advanced stages of musical development. The parent fulfills the role of a coach and fan and functions more in the realm of waving flags and shouting hoorays from the balcony. And the student assumes more and more responsibility to make and implement his or her own decisions about expressing musical ideas and what technical means to use to accomplish the best expression of those musical ideas.

All of my discussion to this point is to help others understand how involved everyone becomes in the process. The longer the relationship has gone on, the deeper the relationships and emotional connections. When a parent, teacher, or student makes the decision to break the connection, there will be emotional upheaval and hurt, and sometimes anger as a way to express the hurt. In many situations, the teacher will emotionally grieve the loss of the relationship, and the student will feel abandoned, even if the teacher is not the reason for the breakup. The student will be watching the adults and how they handle the situation, so be aware of the role you choose to play in the scenario. Remember, as teachers and parents, we are always role modeling for the child how the child should behave as an adult. Please be responsible in your behavior and show the child what is the mature way to handle this type of situation.

There are a few possible ways to handle the difficult conversation about the future of this relationship, whether it is by email, phone call, or a personal face-to-face meeting. Whichever method you choose, find a way to do it without having the students be involved. Perhaps you have observed a change in the situation or the other person's behavior. Focus your attention on the other person as a friend, and express your concern and care about the other person. 

Ask if there is anything that you can do to help the other person. Keep the conversation in a positive place. If it comes to that, you could gently explore the idea of whether another teacher would be a better fit for the current situation.

Perhaps the situation will dissolve into tears. Tears are a sign of healing and are a healthy way to share a compassionate moment with each other. Perhaps the conversation will explode into anger. Keep calm and reassured that the anger belongs to the other person. Continue to speak positively and express your concern and desire to help.

My rule of thumb is that these difficult conversations are better to held in the open than to allow them to lie silent and fester emotionally. 

Here are some more suggestions for ending the relationship in a positive way:

Acknowledge the past history in a positive way.  Avoid complaining. Avoid blaming. Avoid any negativity. Recount the history of your relationship together with gratitude and joy. Criticism and judgments offer no positive benefit to either person. Remember that your child is watching how you handle this situation, so be sure that your behavior and message is the one you want your child to learn from observing you.

Avoid blaming the other person for your decision. Avoid accusing the teacher of falling short in some way. Stay focused and positive. Being negative or making nasty remarks do not accomplish anything positive. Keep in mind as a parent, that most new teachers will call the previous teacher to get the "whole story." If there was a nasty breakup, the former teacher may find it difficult to cast the historical information in a positive light. So, take personal responsibility for your choice and state your reasons in a positive, logical (unemotional), and non accusatory way. As a teacher, I spend several months and several conversations or emails trying to fortify the relationship and bring everyone back to the same positive teaching-learning environment. 

Avoid complaining. Stay upbeat. Do not use the breakup as an opportunity to air your stored grievances. Expressing your complaints now will not change anything or improve the future situation. Remember that your child watches to see how you handle this situation, so act well. Do not pull out all the "kitchen-sink" grievances, which would be a poor demonstration to your child or student of how to handle conflict.

Allow the other person to "save face." The other person may become upset, but nothing useful will come from an argument. Since it takes two people to make an argument successful, take the higher road and refuse to argue. Just accept the other person's anger and agree with them. The argument will eventually fizzle.

Apologies are worth extra points. If you can find it in your heart to do this, you can walk away from the situation with a well deserved pat on the back. Accept responsibility for the problem and sprinkle your apologies liberally throughout the conversation. Borrowing the philosophy of the famous cinema star Clark Gable, apologize for your shortcomings.

Thank the other person for the experience that you had with them. Whether you deem the relationship to be worthy of continuing or not, the fact of the matter is that the teacher did invest his or time in the teaching-learning relationship and deserves to be thanked for the time and effort that he or she put forth. The parent was involved in the lesson process and made contributions in terms of driving, practicing, and finance that are worth acknowledging.

Next time, do your homework. Choosing a teacher should not be a quick decision. A parent should speak to the teacher, ask the teaching community for recommendations about the teacher, observe the teacher in the teaching-learning environment, and provide the child with an opportunity to interact with the teacher before entering into the new relationship. Teachers do much more than provide "babysitting" services. Many teachers view their profession as a calling on a grand scale that will have a positive, changing, and lasting impact on the global community. Teachers spend a great deal of time honing their teaching skills in order to provide the greatest service to their students and their parents and families. Do your homework and find one of these teachers.

Whatever you do, do it with class. I got this advice when I was a youngster about to quit my first major job in a fit of anger. I heard this advice two hours before I was about to stage a royal blowup. I considered the wisdom of the advice and instead completely reconstructed my resignation plan. I followed all the steps I outlined above. I acknowledged all the persons in the organization by name and listed their contributions to my personal growth in the workplace. I thanked everyone for all that they did to help me on the job or in my growth. I stayed positive and avoided complaining. I did not work up a frothy blame game but instead focused on what I had learned and what value I would take from my work experience and put into my future endeavors. I chose my positive and grateful attitude and expressed it liberally and in a public manner via a memo addressed to all the partner-directors of the organization.

Let me tell you the benefits I received from taking this "high road" of ending the relationship. My employers and fellow workers made their good-byes with big smiles on their faces (and tears in their eyes in a few cases). I got big bear hugs from some of the top dogs. I got acknowledgment in return for all that I had contributed to the firm. The firm actually sent me a sizable amount of outsource work in the month that followed, which really helped me out financially. And because I showed that I had class, I was included in their recommendations to others.

Most of all, I felt good about what I had done and the way I had handled it. I felt like a grownup.

Please show consideration and thoughtful reflection in your relationships, whether it is with your students, your children, the studio parents, or the teacher. Please show some class and professionalism in the manner in which you end a teaching-learning relationship.

The Teach Suzuki Podcast broadcast a more in depth discussion of this topic in episode 100. You can listen to that episode here.

Until next time,

Happy Practicing!

----- Paula -----

© 2018 by Paula E. Bird

The Power of Routine

Let me relate two lesson scenarios, and both of these stories actually happened.

Scenario One

My young student played his assigned piece, and the bow slipped crookedly over the fingerboard and failed to catch the notes or the string. The student allowed the bow to drift and slide as if gliding over an ice rink. The bow hold was flabby and relaxed, and the posture revealed fingers that were not quite engaged with the bow stick or frog.

Moreover, the student struggled to remember the notes. He played a spritely tempo and tripped over a traffic cone in the middle of the road every measure or so of music. He lost track of the song’s melody as he progressed, and even when I sang a few of the trouble spots for him when he got stuck, my singing did not resonate anything familiar.

The lesson seemed to last a long time in my mind. I took us both to a place that was easier to navigate. I started with something simpler so that we could monitor the posture issues without being distracted by the notes to a song that my student no longer seemed to know. As we corrected and carefully managed each slipping posture point, I brought us back closer and closer to the song my student had learned in previous lessons. Despite our hard efforts, my student had not returned to the point where I expected him to be by the end of the 30 minute lesson.

Scenario Two

My student played his assigned piece, and he sounded terrific! Not only was his bow hold in good shape, but my student used the bow correctly. He kept his bow firmly rooted to the straight road between the fingerboard and the bridge, and he paid attention to the way his bow grabbed the beginning sound of the notes. He seldom tripped over forgotten notes or bowings and genuinely produced a terrific tone.

We worked together to add a few advanced points into the way he played the song. We made sure that the style was correct, that the notes were in tune and on time, and we added splashes of dynamic color to the phrases.

And at the end of my student’s 30 minute lesson, he looked at me in surprise and said, “Am I done already?”

“Yup, your lesson is finished. Good job!”

He stood there and looked obviously surprised by something.

“But it was so short!” he exclaimed.

“It was the usual 30 minute lesson,” I told him. He looked over at the clock to verify this information for himself.

“Wow!” he responded. “That went really fast!”

“Yes,” I agreed. “Lessons usually do go pretty fast when you practice every day.”

I was encouraged to see him nod his head in agreement. At the last lesson (scenario one), we had discussed that our goal for the coming week would be to do something with the instrument every day. I did not require a particular amount of time, merely that I wanted him to do something with his violin. Play every day. Work on a few of the points listed on his assignment book. This week he had met the goal, and now he reaped the benefit of having put in the consistent, daily work.

These two scenarios illustrate the power of routine. Routine is such a simple thing but a very powerful step that we can take to build something much bigger and better. Routine makes things easier.

What can you do today to build up your power of routine?

Until next time,

Happy Practicing!

----- Paula -----

© 2018 by Paula E. Bird

My Child Refuses to Practice | Guest Post by Beth Ringel

Playful Learning

The following is a guest post from Beth Ringel, current President of the Greater Austin Suzuki Association.

In his book, Nurtured by Love, Dr. Suzuki wrote:

 "My child refuses to practice at home." Quite a few mothers bring this complaint to me. That is because they fail to understand that their children's motivation in learning the violin stems from the sense that the violin is fun, and that they, too, want to have fun. "I'm paying tuition every month, to have the training turned into playing? That's just . . ." -- that is how the adults feel. In other words, calculation enters into education, and that calculation dominates the process. The failure rate is very high in those cases. Start the child off with the pleasure of having fun, and steer her in the right direction by taking advantage of the pleasure of having fun -- no matter what the area, this is where early education must start.

The moment we rigidly convince ourselves, "Education is what we're after," we warp a child's development. 

-- Shinichi Suzuki, Nurtured by Love

As we are gear up (wind down?) for the summer, take a moment with me to stop and think about how we approach our children’s musical practices. Specifically, I want to talk about play. The action of making music on an instrument is referred to as “playing.” What I’d like to examine is whether we are doing our best to bring this verb to life. As you can see from Dr. Suzuki's quote above, he clearly sees “playing” an instrument as fun and enjoyable, not just an action that applies to making an instrument produce sound. As I’m sure most parents do, sometimes I feel myself turning into the skeptical parent in Dr. Suzuki’s example, feeling as if there should be more work involved in the process. After all, isn’t that what I experienced growing up? (Of course, if I recall correctly, that experience led me to quit piano after one year at age eight, so perhaps that’s not the best path to go down.)

We know from our own personal experiences as well as observing our children that they (and we!) learn best when there is enjoyment in what we are doing -- when playing. What play looks like for each child may differ, but there are similarities we can outline. In fact, I have been questioning several of my students over the past month about what they think play is, and here are some of their answers:

• Playing isn’t always fun, but you feel good afterwards (as in a soccer game in 100-degree heat).

• Playing involves movement (maybe that’s why singers don’t “play” their instruments).

• I asked several of them if they thought playing involves choice, and without exception they said sometimes but not always. One particularly astute fifteen-year-old said that playing exists on a spectrum, encompassing free, unstructured play on one side and structured play on the other.

• Playing feels a certain way.

I’d like to address how play can be connected to practice using a couple of theorist/educator examples. First of all, the physician/educator Maria Montessori (1870-1952) famously said, “play is the child’s work,” (not “work is the child’s play!”). Do we approach practice as work that masquerades as play (I’m thinking of external rewards and games that actually distract from the focus)? Or do we approach practice as play, where work can be done as a natural byproduct? I think this is an important distinction to make, especially when working with the youngest of children.

Think of movement that young children want to do. They are primed for action. If we think of practice as a space to play or to move (in the context of playing the instrument), we will accomplish much more than if we think of it as a chore or the job of the child. At the very least, we will have strengthened our relationship with our child through the process, instead of weakening it, which to me is an important measure of success.

Montessori also emphasized play/learning as containing intrinsic rewards. This is where the work comes in. The act of learning in itself is its reward, not externally-placed goals or physical rewards. The question is, how do we encourage motivation to learn in our children without external rewards? Well, let’s go back to the basics as per Suzuki: listening to the recording (a lot!) and playing with other children. These happen to overlap with Montessori, in that a Montessori environment is set up to encourage the child's natural curiosity (i.e., wanting to learn how to play the songs because the children hear them all the time), as well as children learning from other children. Sports are tremendously successful in this aspect: most involve a team. Music is no different. Without the team, it’s just not as much fun. The relationships are extremely important in maintaining motivation over the years.

Russian psychiatrist Lev Vygotsky (1896-1934) defined play only as being sociodramatic, that is, make believe. Vygotsky’s play included the creation of imaginary situations and roleplay, guided by rules (either created by the “play”-er or demonstrated by a teacher). A key concept in Vygostkian theory is the zone of proximal development. This concept refers to the point of development where a child wants to learn something but is unable to do it without some assistance, either from a teacher or (even better) a peer. These specific situations, knowledge, and roles are influenced by a child’s social context; thus a child raised in Norway will exhibit different play and learn different content than one raised in Africa, each according to his surroundings. Sound familiar? Suzuki, of course, often expressed his amazement that a child will master his mother tongue, no matter the difficulty of the language, simply from being immersed in it and relating to it in a natural way.

Two Brothers Play Together

Applications of Vygotsky’s play ideas are not as obvious in musical instrument study, but we can draw two important connections. First, when we examine the idea of roleplay, where do we think children are getting these roles from? Other, more advanced, children, of course. Older children are the model. That’s how a child can imagine himself progressing. The child must have a way of picturing what is possible. That’s one reason you see hotbeds of high level of ability: children are surrounded by examples of high-quality, and "talent" begets "talent."

Second, part of the joy of making music is embodying its spirit and communicating this to an audience. I am as guilty as anyone else for failing to prioritize the communication and make-believe/emotional aspect of music (the ‘play’) and focusing instead on technique (the ‘work’). Our adult brains want to focus on the how instead of the why. When a child builds a train track, he or she does not usually think about the cognitive skills the child is developing. The child enjoys the tactile sensation of linking the tracks and running the train over them and imagines that the child is the engineer who guides the train on an adventure -- even more so when mom, or dad, or sibling comes down to the child's level and joins in on the child's play.

When a child plays an instrument, how much fun it could be to pretend to be someone else or an animal, or to explore different emotions. That’s part of why Dr. Suzuki said that music develops a beautiful heart -- we are practicing emotions to communicate with other people, as well as to receive them. Much like with spoken language, the purpose of music is communication. The technique is there to serve this purpose; that’s what we address in Vygotsky’s zone of proximal development. We have to get in the zone first to create the desire to develop better ability, and that’s where play comes in.

I’d like to leave you with a few questions to ask about your practices:

• What space are you giving you and your child to let play happen during practice, or are you trying to educate?

• What goal are you working towards? The how of playing or the why?

• What environment are you structuring to support you and your child (e.g., listening and group attendance)?

• What are you doing in your practice sessions to strengthen (or weaken) your relationship?

These are some heavy questions, and they are not meant for you to judge yourself harshly. I know as much as anyone else that being a parent gives many opportunities for self-doubt, self-criticism, and guilt. I am a Suzuki parent as well as a Suzuki teacher, and I experience all of these doubts firsthand, every day. My hope is that if I keep working on myself, I can help support my son’s learning in the most productive and enjoyable way possible and also continue to forgive myself when I fall short of these expectations.

Beth Ringel and Her Family

To conclude, I’d like to challenge you to have a conversation with your child about what the child thinks play is and how it relates to playing an instrument. I’m always impressed and surprised by what children have to say about this, and children are always delighted to be asked!

Yours in play,

Beth Ringel

Suzuki Early Childhood Education and Cello Teacher
Mother of a Suzuki pianist and Suzuki ECE’r

The Twinkle Project by Paula E. Bird

A resource that guides teachers and parents of violin students
from the beginning steps through the Twinkle Variations.

What's Love Got to Do With It?

Recently I broadcast a podcast episode that began a short series about the importance of love in the parent-child relationship. This love topic applies to more than just a parent and child; it also applies to a teaching relationship as well. In this episode I again stressed the importance of why parents are important in a child's life and I expanded my ideas. Here are the basic points about love that I made:

1. Children want to please their parents, so parents have a great deal of power when it comes to influence and role modeling.
2. Parents are with their children more time than anyone else. Again, parents have a great deal of power to influence because of the hours spent with the children.
3. Parents care how well their children do or develop more than anyone else.
4. Parental love is the first love a child experiences and this experience affects how the chid will develop a relationship with the world and others later in life.
5. Love expands. It never contracts or constricts.
6. Love is a verb. It is something we do, not something we have or hold.

I also discussed the importance of building an interdependent relationship between the parent and the child rather than push the child toward independence too soon or before the child is ready.

I continued the discussion by setting out a few things that parents might do to establish and strengthen the parent-child bond of interconnectedness and interdependence. I also related Dr. Suzuki's admonition that children will treat their elderly parents as the children witness how the parents treat their neighbors and others now.

I finished up the current episode by discussing unconditional love. How does one define this ultimate expression of love? Here is St. Paul's definition of love, written to the Corinthians over two centuries ago:

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first, "Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.

(The Message by Eugene H. Peterson, affiliate link) 

Dr. Suzuki was once asked, "Why do you teach?" His answer was:

"First for the love of the child; second, for the love of teaching the child; and third for the love of the music that is taught the child, but the child always comes first."

You may listen to the podcast episode on iTunes, Google Play, or Stitcher Radio, or you may click the link here: Click here. The subsequent episode that completes this mini series discussion can be found here.

Happy Practicing!

----- Paula -----

 © 2017 by Paula E. Bird

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