Life Happens but Let's Not Make a Habit of It

Life happens. We are rocking along, singing our song, and whoops, something comes up and we are tugged off course. Something upsets our routine, and we cannot get to our regular practice or music lesson or group class. It is just for a brief time, we tell ourselves. We just need to get through the next few days, or this week, or through the weekend, we promise. Maybe we should not go to our lesson this week because we really are not as prepared as we should be.

We go anyway. We hang down our heads and admit that we did not practice well this week. The teacher is understanding. After all, the teacher is a nice person and kind and gracious. The teacher smiles and teaches the same lesson as last week. Or so we think, except that our child is not the same child as last week. So the teacher has to take a few steps further back than the previous lesson. Why is that?

Life does happen. Life happens to me as well. I have pockets of time when life seems to skitter out of control. I have my routines and systems in place to help guide me through these full patches of activities, and I understand how easy it is to get pulled under by life's periodic undertow.

As a teacher, I respond to these parental pronouncements with kindness, understanding, and graciousness. I truly understand. But, I also make sure that I help parents pull out of the downward spiral. Here is how I do that.

First, I explain to the parent what we might see from the child during that lesson today:

• inappropriate behavior
• dawdling or reluctance to follow instructions
• hesitation to participate in any lesson activity
• frustration that pops up quickly
• new bad habits
• shorter attention span
• lack of concentration and focus or for a shorter period of time than usual
• improper posture
• memory slips

Sometimes the parents try to discipline the children for these behaviors, but I try to head that off before it happens. Is it really the child's fault that he or she did not practice adequately the week before? Can we really in good conscience correct the child's behavior for something that the adults created? I think not, but that is what many parents try to do. Instead of examining the cause of the situation, parents are quick to act as if the child can easily spring back to normal with the snap of a finger. And yet, parents are not able to do that. How can we expect a child to snap back to normal that quickly when the parent was unable to do that during the week?

Life does indeed happen. After I explain to the parent what we might see from the child during the lesson, I then discuss how easy it might be for the parent to make "life happens" a habit. Because the parent skipped practices and routine the week before, the parent has now created a big pile of inertia. It is much easier to stay stuck in the mud of nonpractice. One week turns into two weeks. Now nonpractice and the excuse that "life happens" are the new habits and routine.

Here is how I help parents to get out of the rut:

• We look at the week's calendar together and discuss when practices might occur. I discuss this openly with the parent and sometimes the child too, because I want to be sure that this issue gets addressed. I know the parent is already battling the inertia of not practicing from the previous week, so my partnering in this discussion helps give the parent the sometimes added kick-in-the-pants that the parent needs to get moving in the right direction. Believe me, if I could really offer a physical kick to the parent's rear, I would gladly do it for the sake of the child. I settle for the figurative kick by having this frank discussion about schedule and calendar.
• We plan a short practice plan for the next 2-3 days, and then a gradually longer plan for the days thereafter. Depending on the current family home situation or the child's age, the short practice might be a five or ten minute practice list. My purpose here is to offer the parent and child something easy to accomplish. This little jolt to combat the nonpractice habit may be enough to get things rolling again.
• I throw in an element of randomness to the practice plan to get the child's attention and interest. It might be a new game that involves a spinner or dice or a timer. This intrigues the child and helps to reignite the child's and parent's interest in practice.
• We might make up colored pieces of paper for various activities and then throw a dice of colors to see which activity to do first.
• We might do a 1-minute bow hold or violin hold to get back into the habit of correct posture. We use a small hourglass (a minute timer) for this or my iPhone's timer.
• I find that I must completely provide this practice plan in order for it to happen. If I just suggest the idea, the parent is likely to let this slip by. Instead, I actually make up the practice game right there at the lesson. I set up a Popsicle stick game, I provide the spinner and dice, or I make up the colored paper list of practice tasks.
• I show the parent and child some possible practice sheets that they could use for the coming week. I have downloaded several great examples from Leslie Thackeray's website: The Practice Shoppe. If the parent finds one they are interested in, I send an email link to the particular practice sheet to the parent.
• We discuss the possibility of trying the 100 Days Practice Challenge. Leslie also has a nice example of that too: 100 Days.
• I have several prizes that I offer to a student who has completed the 100 days challenge. I give a little Mozart statue, a small violin pin, and another round pin that says "Outstanding Student" along with a certificate and other little doodads. Usually once a student has seen the loot that I will award upon completion of the 100 days challenge, the student is full of interest and motivation.
• I also explain how parents can help a younger child to make it through the long 100 days period by breaking it up into smaller, more digestible segments. For example, one family promised to award their six-year old son a small fish aquarium on the 100th day, but along the way, the parents awarded the child the parts to the final prize.
• On the 30th day, the child received the empty aquarium.
• On the 50th day, the child received the gravel that would go inside. The child was then able to begin putting his aquarium together.
• On the 75th day, the child received the plastic plants and other figures that would go inside the aquarium, and the child could begin to arrange his aquarium scenario.
• On the 100th day, the child received the fish.
• I extract a solemn promise from both the parent and child that they will practice every day in the coming week. The parent and child hold up the bow hand (right hand) and promise to practice. I also note in the student's handbook that the parent and child have made this promise. That way I will be reminded of the promise at the next lesson. Sometimes parents will text me during the week to tell me that the child is being very serious about fulfilling the promise.
• I might send an email or text message to the parent the next day to follow up on whether the parent has followed through with the practice plan. It amazes me to have a discussion such as all that I have written above here, and yet when I check in with the parent and student the next day, I find that again life has happened and that no practice plan has been followed. Such a short attention span!

I have met some parents here and there who seem to have trouble getting back on track despite my help. These are tougher cases for me. I might have to delve a little deeper into the reasons why the parent wants the child to have lessons when the parent is not helping the child to benefit from the lessons. And on occasion, I might have to let this parent go from the studio. It breaks my heart to do that, and I do not do it lightly or often. I might spend a year or more trying to turn the situation around; parents go through stages too, but that is a different article for another day.

Starting out small with tiny steps for a few days usually gets the parent and child beyond the inertia of nonpractice, although there might be a few days of bumpy drama, as both the parent and child need to work through the inertia together; this is not easy.

My main focus at this point is that life happens, but we do not want to allow this excuse to become a habit.

A Visit to the Practice Shoppe with Leslie Thackeray

As I have been focusing on the topic of review and how important it is, I recently spoke to Leslie Thackeray from thepracticeshoppe.com about her website. I love to explore the items that Leslie has listed, because they spark a creative idea or two in my head about practicing and teaching my students better. I especially appreciate all the free downloadable charts that Leslie offers for review and repetition purposes. There is a review chart for everyone of every level.

Because I enjoy browsing Leslie’s website, I thought I would find out more about her and how she came to create her site.

Leslie: I started playing Suzuki violin when I was 4 and don't have many memories of practicing as a young child, except that I hated it. My mom never let me quit. She knew I liked playing, because when I'd perform, I'd be happy with myself. I sure dreaded practicing each day though, to the point that I would do all sorts of things to try to get out of it (taking long baths is one thing I remember in particular).

Paula: You are jogging my memory of my own childhood. My mother set a kitchen timer for 30 minutes, and the hard and fast rule in my house was that practicing got done first thing after school. If a friend came knocking at the door to ask if I could come out and play, my mother politely told them to come back when my 30 minutes were up. How did you handle the practicing issue with your own children?

Leslie: As a mother practicing with my own children, I kept thinking of fun ways to practice so it wouldn't be such drudgery for my children. I saw a cute bead counter at my daughter's violin teacher's house and wanted one for myself. When I looked online, I found they were too expensive for me to afford at the time. My husband is always up for a project, so I told him what I wanted, and we went out to find the right materials. I remember we had all this extra time because it was Thanksgiving break 2009.

After playing around a bit with some different ideas we finally came up with our bead counter. I emailed a bunch of my teacher friends and asked if they wanted to buy some for their kids or students for Christmas (to recoup the cost of the materials). The response was extraordinary and I was overwhelmed with orders all Christmas season. I've improved the quality of the product so it would last longer and withstand the wrath of children.

Since then I’ve used the bead counters nearly every day in my practicing with my children and my teaching with my students. It's incredible to watch the concentration of the student to finish a task 10 times when I pull out the bead counter.

Paula: You have many colorful bead counters, and the themes are terrific. You also sell other things besides the bead counters. Tell us how you started doing that.

Leslie: We have an amazing Suzuki Institute here in Utah, and we decided to sell the bead counters at the Institute. Again, the response was great, so I decided to see what else I could sell to the parents and teachers at institute. Every time I wanted something for practicing with my kids or for my studio, I would search and search for the best price and buy it in bulk so I could sell it to other teachers and parents around.

As teachers, we use so many different doodads and gadgets from lots of different places. My goal is to provide some of these fun practicing supplies all in one place for a good price.

Paula: My favorite part of your website – and the pages that I visit the most – are your links to downloadable review and practice charts. There are so many charts and such clever themes. How did these charts come about?

Leslie: I was always searching online for fun practice charts for my own kids. I never could find very many creative ideas, but I figured I could come up with some. I feel that I can put these practice charts online really quickly and share them with everyone for free. I always love finding free printables online.

I love when I get emails from people who love my practice charts, because it makes me feel like I'm helping someone for very little of my time. These free printables are the biggest draw to The Practice Shoppe. I love when people give me their practice chart ideas to add to the website. I would love to be a major source of practice chart printables among Suzuki teachers and any music teacher.

Paula: I see that you have added dice, some jewelry items, puppets, and other specialty items. I have a huge collection of dice in my own studio. There are dice for all sorts of purposes.

Leslie: I also love using dice in my teaching and have searched high and low for all sorts of dice. The kids love to roll dice to see how many times they have to practice. I have some more dice in production that will be coming out soon. I'm so excited to launch these new products.

Paula: Thanks, Leslie, for taking the time to talk about your website. For anyone who is interested in seeing these products on Leslie’s website, visit: www.thepracticeshoppe.com.

If you would also like to read my interview of Sue Hunt about the importance of review and Sue's new book Review -- Making it Fun, Gets the Job Done, you can find the article here and the book on Sue's Music in Practice website here.