Have You Heard All the Teach Suzuki Podcast Episodes?

Teach Suzuki Podcast

The Teach Suzuki Podcast has been busy in the past month. Here are the latest three weekly episodes of the regular podcast:

The Million Dollar Lesson: The Million Dollar Lesson is a tool designed to teach the child (and the parent) about appropriate lesson behaviors. Some teachers and parents may have difficulty accepting this teaching tool, and this episode looks at various viewpoints and offers some caveats about how to use the tool effectively. This episode also provides links to several suggested books and other tools about parenting that might provide help to a parent.

Personality Styles: This episode discusses the four personality styles identified by Hippocrates centuries ago. Along with identifying the personality style of parents and their children, this episode will explain how a mismatch between styles may stir up problems in home practices, home and family situations, and in the studio between teacher and student.

See, Hear, Feel: This episode discusses the three most common learning styles and how knowing these styles will help parents and others improve communication within families, the workplace, and in the music studio.

Reflections

There have been several "Reflections" episodes published as well. These shorter weekly episodes of a few minutes' length are designed to present a short thought or reflection about some aspect of the Suzuki philosophy or quote from Dr. Shinichi Suzuki. The purpose of these reflection episodes is to encourage parents and teachers to consider how a small change in some area of our thinking or behavior might have a large impact on the happiness of our children, our home situation, our workplace environment, and our families. Here are the most recent episodes:

Whisper the Hopes of Your Heart: This episode discusses Dr. Suzuki’s advice to a parent to pray once a day for his or her child to help the parent remember the joy and hope that the parent had upon the child’s birth. Would such advice brighten up your feelings about your child?

The Best Gift: This episode discusses raising children to become truly civilized human beings. Are you giving your child the “best gift” you can.

Convenience: Is “convenience” a factor in our teaching and parenting? Is this appropriate? What is your attitude about parenting, teaching, and the "convenience" factor?


Until next time,

Happy Practicing!

----- Paula -----

© 2016 by Paula E. Bird

Monday Morning Check In: Simple Gifts

Written by Paula E. Bird ©2013

First, let me apologize for not writing much in the past month. I have been teaching at two summer camps and am currently in the middle of the second camp. I have very little time to devote to my writing on the blog because this current camp is out of town. What free time I have found has been devoted to touching base with my family and furry friends on the ranch.

I had a little time this weekend to catch up with some overdue chores. Now that the house is sparkling fresh again for the most part, and I have done a little bit of hard physical labor (shoveling wheelbarrows of cedar chips to spread in certain areas of the alpaca pastures), I have at last found a few moments to call my own to do some writing. As I contemplated what I would write about during my home chores, I hit upon the subject of Simple Gifts.

"Simple Gifts" is one of my favorite hymns. Written in 1848 by Joseph Brackett for the Shaker community in Alfred, Maine, this hymn was used several times by the American composer Aaron Copland, most notably in his "Applachian Spring" ballet. Here are the lyrics:

'Tis the gift to be simple,'tis the gift to be free,

'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,

And when we find ourselves in the place just right,

'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gain'd,

To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd,

To turn, turn will be our delight,

Till by turning, turning we come 'round right.

The words are simple and sweet. The meaning is timeless. The tune itself is simple and lovely. Such a small thing, but the music is often requested at weddings, and children love to learn to sing the song.

As this thought occurred to me in the midst of the donkey pasture, I thought about how simple it really was to look around me and discover the gifts laid out before me. The land is dry here in Texas, as we are suffering through the third year of drought conditions, and yet my animals that I refused to sell off have given me the simple gift of enriching nutrients that will replenish the soil, although many of my readers may not find the same enjoyment that I do in shoveling these gifts around. The cedar trees that we chipped and shredded last year are my gifts to areas of the pastures that need building up. My hens leave me lovely gifts of eggs daily, and the canine pack refreshes me with unconditional love.

As I frequently do, I turned my thoughts from the property and the animals to the students that I have been working with at the summer strings camp. I thought about the discussions that some of my students have had about using personal energy to connect better as chamber musicians and as orchestra section players. We also discussed our personality styles and how each style related to each other in a music setting.

Each discussion revealed the many gifts that each individual student (and teacher) brought to the ensemble and the classroom. These gifts may be small and simple, but the value of the gift is not diminished because of its size and complexity. We needed to remind each other to look around outside of ourselves and to learn to recognize the gifts that were before us. We needed to remember to accept the gifts we found and to allow the gifts to empower us to do something bigger than ourselves.

As I begin this last week of the summer strings camp, I will remind myself to be more mindful about the joy of teaching. Each student, parent, and fellow teacher has many simple gifts to offer, and I plan to look for every one of them this week.

Monday Morning Check In: Are you a Balcony or Basement Person?

Recently a new acquaintance of mine went to a coaching session with a teacher that she had been working with for some time. At the last session, and this will be the last session my acquaintance assures me, the teacher said really negative things, such as that my new friend will fail.

I do not know where I first read about this, but I have carried the idea with me for many long years, that there are two basic types of people when it comes to relationships with others: Balcony and Basement people. I think it is important to understand what both types of people are and to recognize which type of person you meet. I will let you decide whether you want to stay in the company of one or the other; your choice may bear some additional reflection if you are not making the obvious choice.

Balcony people are those folks in our lives who wave handkerchiefs and pendants from the balcony. They cheer us as we pass by in the parade of life, shouting "hurrah" and "well done!" and other warm and fuzzy words of encouragement to spur us on to achieve even greater milestones in our lives and professions. Balcony people serve one purpose -- one mission in our lives, if you will -- and that is to applaud our efforts. Even if these people are also our teachers, they serve to encourage rather than discourage.

Courage. I would like to digress for a moment to talk about the difference between those two words. "Encourage" and "discourage" both have the same word root "courage." Courage is defined by Google as "the ability to do something that frightens one." Dictionary.com defines it as "the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear." This is admirable, yes? So how does the addition of two or three additional letters to the front of this word root change the meaning?

Encourage. The word preface "en" when added to "courage" changes the word to mean "give support, confidence, or hope" or to "give support and advice to (someone) to do or continue something." (Google) "Encourage" is defined by Thefreedictionary.com as "to inspire with hope, courage, or confidence; hearten."

Discourage. The preface "dis" when added to "courage" means to subtract the word root. Google defines discourage as causing someone "to lose confidence or enthusiasm." My favorite part of Google's definition is to "prevent or seek to prevent (something) by showing disapproval or creating difficulties."

So while encourage means to add courage, the word discourage means to take it away. These are the two types of people we generally encounter on our life's journey, yes? Those who want to build a relationship and connection with us and those who work to build distance between us. Those who embolden and those who deter. And I can tell you which of the two I would prefer to hang around with.

I do not even have to figure out why someone is one type or the other. This may be an interesting exercise in psychology, but to me it has no relevance or usefulness. I do not care why someone is one type or the other, although I might generate more pity for one or the other if I understood the causes or reasons.

Basement people pull people into the dungeons with them. They pull at your ankles and use every psychic trick they can get away with to drag you down into the basement of your mind. They do not wave flags or streamers. Instead they throw rotten fruit, or mark your papers with a heavy red pencil, or make subtle and oh-so-seemingly-innocent remarks that cause you to question your resolve and your purpose.

I heard a story once about a student who got an opportunity to take a lesson with a well respected musician and performer. This student was so excited, that he worked very hard to produce the best possible lesson material that the student could. When the student finished playing for the famous man, the teacher proceeded to tear the student's presentation to shreds with harsh comments and arrogant remarks. The student made a note of everything that this teacher had to say and then asked sweetly in return, "Is there anything else you can teach me today?"

Well, if I had been that teacher, I would have been embarrassed enough to sink to the floor. And I say "bravo!" to that student for having the wherewithal to ask that question, although I suspect this particular teacher was too far "over the edge" for the question to even register.

The next step for a student or person who is faced with a vision killer [for more about vision killers, read the article here] is to exercise the internal locus of control, another future post topic. For now, here are some words to describe Balcony and Basement people. Your assignment this week is to decide which type of person you are and which type of person you would like to be. Then work to adopt more of the qualities of the person you would like to be. At the same time, review the list of people that you spend time with and decide which type of person they are. Is there a way to spend more time with the Balcony people and less with the Basement people?

Here are some examples of the types of words and emotions that Balcony and Basement people favor:

Balcony People	Basement People
Yes	No
You can do it	You will never do this
Yay!	Nay!
Let me tell you how I know you will do this	Let me tell you why I know you will fail
Hope	Despair
Success	Failure
Encourage	Discourage
Spur	Deter
Confidence	Doubt
Hope	Hopeless
Spirit	Dispirit
Hearten	Dishearten
Brave	Daunting
Embolden	Dissuade

So which person are you? Which person do you want to be? What types of people do you spend the most time with? Do you need to make changes?

Have a great week! You cannot see me, but I am standing on my balcony and waving my right arm á la Montel Williams and shouting "whoop! whoop! whoop! Carry on!"

Quick Teaching Tip: Appreciate Your Partners!

I am a choleric personality style. If you want to understand what this means, check out my previous articles about this topic:

Who's Got Personality?

Personality, part 1

Personality, part 2

If you understand the choleric personality, you will know that we do not need much praise and encouragement. We do just fine by ourselves. I have learned, however, that my personality style needs differ than those of other personality styles. For example, a sanguine style needs appreciation and attention! The melancholic is self-sacrificing, but a little appreciation goes a long way. The phlegmatic will accept appreciation if offered but not if it involves work.

Since I personally do not need much attention and appreciation, I am lax as a teacher when it comes to expressing appropriate praise and acknowledgment for accomplishment. Not towards my students, but to my parent partners. I know that I need to improve this area. So here is what I propose.

Once a month I will go through my parent list, and I will write an email to that parent and express my appreciation. I will have to be careful to limit myself to appreciation, because I know my tendency towards improvement. I want my words to encourage and not discourage my parent partners. This process may take more time than just a week. I hope to go through my list every week, send emails to parents now and then, and hopefully send something to each parent in my studio at least once a month. As lessons occur, my opportunities to share my enthusiasm will present themselves. I can tailor my comments to fit the things that happen in lessons.

One of my studio parents has a plan to have her children write one letter a week, usually on a Monday. Following this plan, i think I will try and devote my Mondays to thinking about writing an email to my studio parents, a few at a time per week, maybe doing it on Mondays as the new week starts.

As Suzuki teachers, we are in a partnership with our studio parents and students. We should think of ways to encourage each other in our respective roles. I think that expressing appreciation for the work that we do will go a long way toward strengthening our partnership. Sometimes our partners are fellow students, professional colleagues, or the parents who entrust their children to us teachers. Let us rise up and live up to the responsibility that parents give us teachers!

Let us work together! Send a note or word of encouragement to your partners on this musical journey!

Monday Morning Check In: And the Winner Is Anger

Today’s topic is my favorite character trait. I say “favorite” because I seem to spend so much time thinking about it, and does it not mean “favorite” if we think more about something to the exclusion of other things? Well, anyway, my topic today is about anger.

In my opinion, anger is a fairly common character trait, if not the most common. Anger is also the most destructive and negative, not only because it can hurt the individual who is angry and unthinkingly expresses it, but also because anger hurts other people at the same time. Many people do go about in the world pretending that their anger causes no destruction, but for those of us who have been on the receiving end of this emotion, we know better about the destruction and hurt that ill-expressed anger can cause. Let us look a little closer at what anger is and can do and then discuss ways to eliminate anger or its destructive expression from our makeup, our behavior, and our personality.

Anger is a strong emotion that expresses hostility, annoyance, or displeasure about something or someone. I find it interesting to learn that the word stems from the Old Norse meaning grief and is related to the Old German word angst, which referred to fear. Nowadays we are all pretty clear about the meaning of the word. Like a bull provoked by a red flag, we “see red” and snort and charge. Anger is never gentle; we have a “burst” of anger when we are outraged.

We all experience anger about various frustrations in life. Anger is a natural emotion, but when we allow our anger to consume, destroy, or cause harm to others or ourselves, then anger becomes dangerous. I believe that it is important to understand where our anger comes from and what causes it, as well as to know what methods we can use to manage it or perhaps eventually eliminate it.

I have been known to be very thrifty (i.e., “cheap”). Once upon a time, I had an old upright vacuum cleaner for well over 20 years that I had bought used in the first place. The vacuum showed signs of its advanced age, but I kept replacing worn belts and other broken pieces. As time went on, the vacuum kept melting the belts, and the melted rubber smelled terrible and would get stuck all over my light beige carpet. One day I reached my limit. I picked up the vacuum and hurled it about 20 feet into the next room and called it a very satisfying name (probably “piece of junk”). Then I shouted, “why am I so cheap I can’t even buy a decent vacuum cleaner?” You should have been there. It was hilarious, even to me, but I was furious!

In a phone conversation later with my mother, I told her the story about what had happened. Her response was, “Don’t you remember the time your father threw the vacuum cleaner out into the middle of the street? I was horrified that your neighbors heard what he called it let alone saw him do that!” And that’s when my mental light bulb went off.

No, I had not remembered my father doing that until my mother reminded me. At that moment, I started to remember a lot of other times when my father was pretty upset at something and the entire neighborhood heard about it. Now, in all fairness to my dad, he is a terrific man. He just gets very angry and frustrated at inanimate objects when they don’t do what they are supposed to do. I hate to use the word “inherit” in this discussion, but there have been many times since my vacuum epiphany when I caught myself getting very angry at a “thing” that was not working as it should be and was holding me up on completing a task or getting out the door in time. I think I have “inherited” my father’s same behavior.

This particular manifestation of angry behavior really doesn’t hurt anyone else per se, but let me point out that the negative expression of anger vocally and with taut body language and physical expression really does poison the atmosphere around us and causes others to feel quite uncomfortable, and rightly so. Think of anger as a red, poisonous gas. When we express our anger, even by allowing ourselves to give in to the experience of it, we are basically allowing the poisonous gas to leak out and affect others and the atmosphere they breathe. It is one thing to allow your anger to affect another adult, but just think how anger can hurt your child or another living creature that depends on you and has no power to walk away from you or the situation.

I propose that we take the time to get a handle on this destructive emotion and find ways to eliminate it or minimize it down to something that is not even noticed or experienced by others. Here are my suggestions.

Find the Sources: Think back to the sources of your anger or behavior. For me, it was my father’s role modeling in this area. Of course, it was my own fault that I chose to mimic this behavior as well as I did. What are your past role models for this behavior?

Uncover Your Triggers: What are your triggers? This is going to take some time to discover. Pay attention to the things that set you off and make a list of them. For me it is anything that wastes my time, or inanimate objects (like printers and vacuum cleaners) that do not work correctly, or disrespect (I do not like being interrupted or patronized).

Break the State: Note what you body does during your anger, and then break that physical state. If you are tight in your shoulders or neck, then force your muscles to relax. Find a quick yoga pose or other physical stretch that will help you to eliminate this tension. If you find yourself holding your breath, then start breathing. There is a reason for the old adage: Count to 10. We cannot count to 10 without breathing somewhere in there, and the breathing will help you to relax and break the state.

Substitute a new Behavior: Plan in advance to substitute more acceptable reactions to your anger triggers when the need arises. I have already suggested a yoga pose or breathing exercise. If your kids constantly make you angry in a particular situation, figure out in advance how you will handle this situation in a different way the next time. Come up with several ideas. Ask your friends, neighbors, or relatives for suggestions. We have all been in the same place, and we are willing to share what we have learned. Instead of constantly yelling at my six pack of doxies to "come" back into the house, I started using the clicker and giving a small treat as they came in the door. Now I just click and they instantly run to the door. I am no longer angry at them for not obeying me because I have found a way to change their behavior by changing mine.

Keep a Record: Keep a record of your anger and efforts to work through it. Keep a journal. It is back to school time, and composition books are on sale. Get one and start keeping an anger log or chart. Make these kinds of notes:

• When you got angry
• Who or what caused it
• Why you were angry
• Where you were at the time
• How you handled it
• What you could do the next time instead

Record your reasons or motivation for taming the anger problem, whether it is the benefit to your children or your spouse, or the goodwill towards to your neighbors or co-workers. I believe I read in Dr. Suzuki’s “Ability Development from Age Zero” that he kept an anger chart of the number of times he got angry in a day. Eventually he was able to whittle down the number of angry times to zero. You could keep an anger chart and log on the chart each time you were angry during the day. Just the act of writing this down might cause you to stop in your tracks and try something different.

Widen Your Response Time: We are more than creatures that just react to things without thought. We are able to choose our reactions to things. Dr. Stephen Covey of the 7 Habits fame writes that within a stimulus and response there is a period of time in which we can choose our response. Granted, in the beginning our window of time might be quite small. Our goal then would be to widen this period of time so that it allows us the necessary time to thoughtfully respond.

Consider Other Options: Here are some other suggestions, and note that these suggestions will apply to just about any negative emotion we might experience or deal with. By following some of the following suggestions, we may find that we experience negative emotions less.

• Cultivate good health habits:
• Get enough sleep
• Eat healthy food
• Exercise regularly
• Eliminate unhealthy habits
• Schedule regular down time
• Reflect regularly about things in your life; keep a journal
• Avoid stress by being appropriately prepared for your life's activities
• Anticipate the next day's meals, clothes, belongings, and set them out in advance of the time they are needed
• Be prepared with lesson plans or errands
• Stay in good practice so that you are ready for opportunities
• Keep a calendar and maintain it regularly
• Schedule free time for yourself
• Take a bubble bath or go for a long walk
• Find an accountability buddy with whom you can check in regularly and offer suggestions

Anger is a common emotion but can leave a lot of destruction in its wake if allowed to be “out of control.” Learn how to control it, how to express it, and in what way you can experience it without its being destructive to others.

Anger is not a good example of leadership, which always requires calm and assertive energy and expression, and therefore is not the best quality in a teacher or parent. Learn how to control it in an appropriate manner. Try the ideas above and make a commitment to re-experience the joy of life that comes from the freedom of anger.

Clash of the Personality Titans, part III -- how to relate to students and parents

In a previous blog post, I've talked about my experience as a teacher relating to Sanguine and Choleric students and parents. Now I will write about my experience relating to Melancholy and Phlegmatic students and parents.

The Melancholy student is a joy to teach from a teacher's perspective because he or she is unafraid of repetition and hard work. This is the student who thrives on doing something 10 or 20 times. I bring out my "Ten Times Perfect" abacus bead counter, my 1-20 die, or my pack of repertoire review cards, and I can easily fill up 30 minutes to an hour with the Melancholy student. It's all painless from a teacher's point of view.

The two tricky areas I have encountered when teaching the Melancholy student is that sometimes this student will not venture into new territory right away. The student may watch me demonstrate a new skill set but won't try it. The student may need to take the lesson home and live with it for a week before coming to their next lesson and playing it for me. I believe this behavior is due to the Melancholy's need to feel comfortable by thinking about something in great detail. As a Choleric teacher, this behavior may surprise me. The Melancholy student and I could be rocking along having a great lesson with lots of interesting new things going on, and all of a sudden the student seems to "shut down." I have learned over the years to watch for the signs and to be sure to give the Melancholy student plenty of time to absorb new concepts in small steps.

The other tricky thing is that the Melancholy student thinks very deeply about things and often changes whatever instructions I give into "to do" items. I marvel at how much a Melancholy student can transform my simple instructions into complex directions with a completely different set of words. The Melancholy has the uncanny ability to mutate my instruction of relaxation into a direction of tension within seconds. For example, if I ask the student to let the shoulder relax, I find that the Melancholy student may translate that instruction into an action step like "lower my shoulder." I am very careful when working with a Melancholy student to focus on language such as "let go" rather than "do" something, and I frequently ask the Melancholy to speak back to me and tell me what he or she is saying inside his or her mind so I can monitor for this situation and gently redirect the student.

I shouldn't be surprised by this behavior, as I have been married to a Melancholy personality for decades. One of the personality traits of a Melancholy is something called "selective hearing." I have come to understand that my Melancholy husband has heard me, but he has analyzed what I have said to such a complex depth, that he has completely reworded my original statement. As a teacher, though, the Melancholy's ability to work through an instruction to such a complex level of detail can frustrate and thwart the teaching point.

As an added note, I am a Choleric and can be way too powerful and overwhelming with my energy, self confidence, and quick thinking for the more sensitive and complex Melancholy. So I am careful to watch for the signs that I am coming on too strong for my Melancholy student, such as the student's backing away from me inch-by-inch or turning slightly away from me. I have one little Melancholy student who will suddenly put her violin on the little table next to us during the lesson. I have come to understand her gesture as a clue that she has reached the saturation point for that lesson and needs to stop and process everything we've worked on. I may be ready to take the next step, but my student has just indicated to me that she is not ready.

A Melancholy parent is a joy to work with from a teacher's perspective, because he or she is very careful to follow directions exactly. The Melancholy parent takes detailed notes at the lesson and follows through on assigned homework. The Melancholy parent does have a tendency to get so bogged down in detail that the child gets bored, so I keep an eye on that possibility. I am also careful to consider what personality match I have before me with regard to the parent and student. A Melancholy student paired with a Melancholy parent works well, but a Choleric or Sanguine student would get impatient with the Melancholy's frequent need for monumental amounts of detail and precision and seemingly slower pace (it's not a slower pace, but a deeper amount of detail). I might have to suggest that the Melancholy parent allow their student some "fun" time with the violin, which is a period of time at the end of a home practice session when the student is allowed to experiment with new material or some other activity without the parent's direction. A Choleric parent might seem too pushy and a Sanguine parent might seem too unfocused for a Melancholy student. A Phlegmatic parent might seem too easy going and too easily satisfied with less than stellar effort, which a Melancholy student would not enjoy.

The other issue I frequently face with a Melancholy parent is that they are sometimes reluctant to move forward with a new assignment. I have been heard to tell a Melancholy parent that they are "holding their child back." Because the Melancholy has a need to master whatever they are working on, they may not move forward until they are certain that they understand every nuance and facet of the assigned material.

The Phlegmatic student is very easy going and friendly. They want to please, but they aren't too excited about doing a lot of work. As I do with the Sanguine student, I look for ways to make our learning activities seem more like fun than work. Despite the attractiveness of playing games though, a Phlegmatic does not always respond to this tactic. Just like the physics principle that "a body at rest tends to stay at rest," the Phlegmatic at rest tends to stay at rest. Even playing a game can seem like too much effort to the Phlegmatic student. What I try to do is instill the life lesson that good quality and efficient work early and consistently will save lots of frustration and labor later. Efficiency is a lesson to which Phlegmatics can relate. Show them how to practice less, and a Phlegmatic is all over that lesson plan. The trick is to reiterate the lesson that "practice makes permanent" (not "perfect") and show the tricks to practicing correctly ("first time correctly, every time correctly"). Also, Phlegmatics tend to have one thing in their life that they are especially interested in. Find out what that one thing is, and you can focus on it and relate everything else to it to the delight of the Phlegmatic student.

There doesn't seem to be much that motivates the Phlegmatic student. They are very easy going and relaxed. Sometimes they look lazy, but I think that behavior resembles that of my cats: relaxed but ready to respond if need be, just conserving energy for the time being. Phlegmatic students are the watchers of the personality styles, and they are content to take a back seat to someone else in group situations. They will rise to the occasion if asked to lead in a group situation, so the burden is on the teacher to draw them forward.

One thing I have to be especially wary of is my Choleric tendency to push through a point with my Phlegmatic student. A Phlegmatic student considers such a tactic to be on the level of "nagging," and the Phelgmatic's stubborn streak will then rise to the occasion. A Phlegmatic student is a master of stubbornness, so I frequently remind myself to gently urge progress with my Phlegmatic student and not goad him or her into action.

The Phlegmatic parent is sometimes difficult to work with because he or she is so relaxed and easy going. I have to follow up to make sure that the Phlegmatic parent's student completes assignments, and I may have to encourage the Phlegmatic parent to take on the sterner stuff of parenting. I have to be clear about my expectations that the parent follow through on my assignments with their child. Aside from that, everyone generally likes to spend time with the Phlegmatic parent and student and their good sense of humor. A Phlegmatic parent or student seems to hold the group together. The Phlegmatic's presence helps to make a Melancholy or Choleric student or parent seem less intense, and a Phlegmatic personality may help a Sanguine tone down his or her cheerful enthusiasm to a more manageable level for the other personality styles.

To summarize the various personality styles, I would like to come up with a two word description:

Sanguine - the Cheerful Talker
Choleric - the Powerful Do-er
Melancholy - the Sensitive Thinker
Phlegmatic - the Easy-going Watcher

We've spent several blog posts discussing the various personality styles and how a teacher can relate in a more effective way to each individual style. The subject is much broader and detailed than what I have written here. I hope you have enjoyed reading and thinking about this subject as much as I have.

Be sure to vote in the polls listed to the right of this column, and if you have a particular topic you'd like me to address in future blog posts, be sure to leave me a comment or question below.

Thanks for your support. I am amazed by the number of folks around the world who have been reading my blog.

Clash of the Personality Titans, part II -- how to relate to students and parents

In the last blog discussion about personality styles, I talked about how the styles related to calendars, scheduling, and planning. This week I'd like to talk about how I relate to students' and parents' personality styles when teaching as it relates to Sanguines and Cholerics.

The Sanguine student needs spontaneity and fun. They do not like repetition for repetition's sake. I can get the Sanguine student to do a lot of repetitions, but I have to disguise the repetitions as part of a game or contest. As a teacher, I may get tired of having to come up with new things, but I have discovered that I can then turn the burden of creating a fun game over to my Sanguine student. They are happy to invent new ways to make "work" and repetition more interesting. My Sanguine students have created elaborate treasure hunts around their homes with various skill set repetitions stationed in interesting places. I have provided many styles of dice, colored spinners, and plastic poker chips or other colored plastic counters to my Sanguine students, and they have created and constructed many creative uses for these tools in practice. I also make liberal use of stickers and colorful checkmarks on the student's handbook or music book.

The Sanguine parent can be a little tricky to work with, because they tend to seem a little flighty and disorganized. I have to make sure that they understand the value of each assignment I give and that they will follow through. If I don't stress the importance of an assignment and follow up on whether the parent actually completed my assigned homework with the student, then the Sanguine tends to skip that part of the practice. I frequently remind my Sanguine parents of the importance of each action they perform; these parents serve as the child's most important role model, and completing assigned homework (or work assignment in later life) is an extremely valuable lesson for the child to take in while they are still in the stage of wanting to please their parents. I frequently remind myself to keep reiterating the importance of everything I do in lessons and group classes for the benefit of my Sanguine parents.

The Choleric student is easy to work with in some ways and difficult in other ways. The Choleric can be stimulated to learn simply by issuing a challenge of some sort: How many times can you play this? Let's see who can play this perfectly the most times (or the first time)? Who can use a slower bow? And I am unabashed about saying, "I win!" in order to demonstrate what the correct "winning" skill is. Of course, as a teacher I have the advantage of usually playing everything correctly or perfectly, so I usually win. But within one or two more repetitions, the Choleric is also winning alongside me. So the dare or challenge is definitely a winner with the Choleric personality style.

Here's the difficult part about Choleric students. They have an "unteachable" streak. They are extremely strong-willed and determined to go their own way. It doesn't matter what a parent, teacher, or other authority figure might say. If a Choleric wants to perform a task in a particular way, however misguided, then that is what they will insist on doing. There are several times that I have sat down with a young (5 or 6 years old) Choleric student and had a serious discussion, often with my arm around them, or with them sitting very closely next to me:

Me: "You know I like you a lot, right?"
Choleric: "Uh huh."
Me: "I just wanted to be sure you remembered that. I think that you are the kind of person who finds it hard to follow someone else's instructions, but I know you can get better at this and get really good at following instructions. So I want to help you get better. Here's what I'm going to do to help you." Then I look deeply into their eyes. "Every time you tell me what we are going to do next, I'm going to say 'no.'"

That's it. It's that simple. At that point, the Choleric student usually growls at me. I'm not kidding. They actually scrunch up their face and make a growling sound. It cracks me up, because as a Choleric I completely understand the feelings my Choleric student is experiencing. All I have to do next is just follow through on my promise.

The Choleric student also have a tendency to behave as if they are the only one in the room. When they arrive at the studio, they might walk through the teaching area to visit the restroom, choosing to walk right through the middle of the lesson rather than walking around the edge of the room. Or they might enter the studio and announce loudly, "I'm here! Hi, Miss Bird!" and completely ignore the fact that there is a lesson going on. Teaching the Choleric the appropriate behavior in various situations is an ongoing lesson in itself.

The Choleric parent can be difficult to work with too. They don't behave as if the rules that apply to everyone else also applies to them. A Choleric parent has a mind of their own, and if they do not think something is worth doing, then they won't do it. In a way, the Choleric's behavior is such that the world doesn't seem to exist until the Choleric enters the room. The Choleric parent is focused on moving forward, so I often encounter bouts of the parent's impatience with the speed of the child's progress. The Choleric tends to think about the bottom line, so they focus on how many songs the child has learned (the product) rather than the quality of skills the child has learned (the process). I spend a lot of time encouraging the Choleric parent to "tone it down" and slow it down. I am generous about the number of achievements to celebrate, since a Choleric tends to not be satisfied but is always looking ahead to the next milestone. I frequently remind the Choleric parent to focus back on the starting point, so that they remember to acknowledge the amount of effort and the ultimate amount of progress the student has made.

As you can see, the study of personality styles is quite involved when put into practice. My discussion here was about the Sanguine and Choleric students andf parents. In my next personality discussion, I will look closely at the Melancholy and Phlegmatic personality styles of students and parents.

Be sure to leave me a comment about your own personal observations as they relate to personality styles. I welcome any questions you might have about the teaching process or any problems you might encounter in the teaching area.

Clash of the Personality Titans, part I -- Calendars and Planning

After my exhaustive blog post about the four personality temperaments, I thought it would be fun to discuss the accompanying clashes that occur between different temperaments and the difficulties of teaching to various temperaments.

First, let me be clear that I am basically talking from my own personal experience. I am not trying to turn this entire discussion into a thesis or research project. The following discussion comes from my own personal observations in the workplace as an attorney, a university teacher, and a private teacher for the past 34 years or more. I find the discussion of temperaments to be amusing, but I also find it useful in many situations. Let's look a little closer at the personality styles as they relate to calendars and planning.

Sanguines tend to be unscheduled and spur of the moment. They seem uncomfortable using calendars, if they even own one. I recall during my attorney days that my firm frequently assigned a new attorney to visit with me about time management issues. My first question was for the new attorney to show me their preferred calendar method. Sanguines didn't have any, or if they used a calendar system, it was a colorful one with filings by projects rather than a time schedule. Phlegmatics didn't maintain calendars too well either, but that's because it was just too much work to write things down and then remember to look at the entries. A Phlegmatic found it easier to remember things by memory: who needs a calendar if you can remember things in your head? Sanguines felt more comfortable with a system that lent itself to creativity and spontaneity. Phlegmatics relied on their memory rather than on effort. Hopefully, a Phlegmatic's memory would be strong enough to accommodate little effort.

Cholerics didn't have a time management problem in general. They usually had master plans all worked out with calendars, spreadsheets, and time lines. Remember: Cholerics like action and progress, hence a plan to move forward. If the Cholerics had any weakness in the calendar area, it might be the inattention to detail or to following up on loose ends. Melancholies had detailed calendars too, sometimes to the extent of a calendar entry for every possible area of their life, and each one color coded by area and often indecipherable to the average onlooker. Remember: Melancholies like detail and lots of it. Sometimes it's more fun for a Melancholy to plan for contingencies than it is to actually take the first step. Cholerics are masters of the calendar and master plan. This is what they do best. Melancholies are good at this too, but they incorporate too much detail for other personality styles to appreciate. Sometimes the focus on details can bog down any movement toward action.

Which category do you fall into? Can you see the plus and minus of each personality? Can you understand now how there could be a need for all personality styles in the world? I think the perfect committee would be one that has a representative from each personality style. The Choleric would run the show and demand forward motion. The Choleric would ask for plans and action steps. The Melancholy would evaluate and analyze every possible facet of the issues and generate lists/charts/graphs about the action steps required and the possible consequences of each action taken. The Sanguine would come up with creative project topics, ideas, and solutions but would not give much attention to action planning or calendar timelines. The other committee members shouldn't rely on the Sanguine actually following through on any of the Sanguine's creative ideas. Like the Sanguine, the Phlegmatic wouldn't do much with regard to calendaring or planning, but the Phlegmatic would be the pleasant sounding board for ideas and concerns -- the glue that would hold the committee group together in a friendly fashion.

Next time I'll talk about the teaching and learning environment as they relate to personality styles. Please leave me a comment  or question, and be sure to vote in one of the polls in the sidebar.

Who's Got Personality?

About 350 B.C., Hippocrates (founder of modern medicine) described four personality types based on the predominant bodily liquid that manifested itself in that person: Sanguine (blood), Choleric (yellow bile), Melancholy (black bile), and Phlegmatic (phlegm). Knowing what our particular personality style is and learning more about what others' personality styles are is important. Our learning style differences affect our ability to communicate effectively as teachers, parents, or students. So does our particular personality style. When we teach to particular learning styles, we are aware of the most effective ways to communicate information to others. When we teach with regard to the personality styles of the various parties, we are mindful of the best ways to communicate to others in a manner that is comfortable and familiar to them.

Here are the basic definitions of the four various personality styles. Please keep in mind that I am simplifying the discussion for purposes of this blog post. There are several valuable resources that I will recommend for further study about this topic. I will list them at the end of the discussion.


Sanguine: the "popular" personality, the extrovert, the talker, the optimist

The Sanguine's personality is appealing. He or she is emotional, talkative, enthusiastic, cheerful, innocent, and sincere. The Sanguine personality thinks creatively, loves people and compliments, and is spontaneous and never dull. Taken to extremes, the Santuines' personality traits resemble compulsive talking, exaggeration, and naivete. The Sanguine often can't remember names, forgets appointments and obligations, is disorganized and undisciplined, is easily distracted and doesn't follow through, hates to be alone and needs center stage, interrupts and doesn't listen, and is generally forgetful. The Sanguine child tends to control by using his or her charm. To teach effectively to this personality style, a teacher needs to make learning fun by using games, and the teacher needs to remember that the Sanguine student needs attention, affection, approval, and acceptance.


Choleric: the "powerful personality," the extrovert, the doer, the optimist

The person with a choleric personality is a born leader. He or she is dynamic, active, strong-willed, decisive, independent, confident, and goal-oriented. The Choleric personality moves quickly to action, makes the goal, insists on production, thrives on opposition, leads and organizes well, and excels in emergencies. As I frequently like to remind my husband, the Choleric personality knows the right answer and is usually right. On the negative side, the Choleric seems to be bossy, impatient, and impetuous. The Choleric personality comes on too strong for some and appears inflexible. He or she is generally not complimentary nor sympathetic, and he or she overdominates and answers too quickly. The Choleric has little tolerance for mistakes, doesn't analyze details, appears rude or tactless or demanding, knows everything, and is right but generally unpopular in spite of it. The Choleric is a "bottom line" thinker. The Choleric has little tolerance for the sales pitch and generally wants to get to the final answer quickly and decisively. The Choleric makes decisions quickly; if given new information, the Choleric is quick to process it and to make a new decision. The Choleric controls by threat of anger. Teaching to a Choleric personality, the teacher needs to structure the learning so that the Choleric student has a sense of control, loyalty, and appreciation, and so that the Choleric feels that he or she is getting credit for the work he or she does.


Melancholy: the "perfect" personality, the introvert, the thinker, the pessimist (the "black cloud")

The Melancholy personality is deep, thoughtful, analytical, serious, creative, artistic, musical, poetic, sensitive, and conscientious. He or she is idealistic, scheduled, and a perfectionist who is very conscious of the details. The Melancholy is persistent and thorough, orderly, organized, neat, and tidy. This personality needs to finish what they start, and he or she enjoys creating charts, graphs, figures, and lists. The Melancholy is cautious when making friends and tends to stay in the background. The Melancholy personality is faithful and concerned for others. On the negative side, the Melancholy tends to remember the negative and is often moody or depressed. The Melancholy seems to enjoy being hurt and exhibits a lower self-image. The Melancholy is introspective and meticulous, and this trait often lends itself to procrastination at worst and hesistancy to start projects at best, as the Melancholy spends too much time planning. The Melancholy is generally not people oriented, and he or she is often hard to please because the Melancholy has standards that are too high for some. The Melancholy is critical of others and tends to hold back affection. He or she is suspicious of people, has a tendency to be unforgiving, and is skeptical of compliments. The Melancholy controls by threat of moods. Teaching to a Melancholy, a teacher needs to mindful of the Melancholy's need for perfection, sensitivity, support, space, and silence.


Phlegmatic: the "peaceful" personality, the introvert, the watcher, the pessimist

The Phlegmatic personality is low-key and easygoing, relaxed and calm, patient and consistent, sympathetic and happy in life, and competent and steady. The Phlegmatic is an agreeable person with administrative ability and mediation skills, as they tend to avoid conflict and act well under pressure. The Phlegmatic tends to look for and find the easy way. The Phlegmatic is pleasant and enjoyable and shows compassion and concern for others. Consequently the Phlegmatic has many friends. The Phlegmatic can appear unenthusiastic and indecisive, and he or she may have a tendency to avoid responsibility. The Phlegmatic has a quiet will of iron (a stubborn streak) that shows in full strength when the Phlegmatic is the recipient of a well-meaning spouse who is "nagging" them about completing a chore or other household responsibility. As a parent, the Phlegmatic tends to be lax on discipline and doesn't organize the home well. The Phlegmatic takes life too easy, appears to lack self-motivation and goals, is hard to get moving, resents being pushed or nagged, and appears to others to be lazy and careless. The Phlegmatic would rather watch and be uninvolved. The Phlegmatic is not easily excited, and he or she tends to show indifference along with sarcasm and teasing. Basically the Phlegmatic resists change and controls by procrastination. Teaching to a Phlegmatic, a teacher needs to remember the Phlegmatic's need for peace and quiet, a feeling of worth and respect, and the lack of stress and pressure.

My personality style is Choleric-Sanguine. When I analyze my personality test closely, I discover that my strengths fall mostly on the Choleric side and my weakness on the Sanguine side. Knowing this information I have been able to recognize when I might come on too strong for a student with a different style or when I can be frank and direct with a particular student. Knowing this information also helps me to relate better to my spouse, who is a Melancholy-Phlegmatic, and to my stepson, who is a Sanguine. There are several clashing points between the personality styles, and I'll save that for a future discussion.


Other Resources for Further Study

The Public Speaker of the Quick and Dirty Tips folks, has presented this personality concept with regard to communication. You may find this discussion in episode 59 (September 11, 2009):
http://publicspeaker.quickanddirtytips.com/communicate-better-with-different-types-of-people.aspx.

Florence Littauer has written a series of books about this topic. Her basic book is entitled "Personality Plus." My personal favorite of her series of books, which resonates stronger with parents, is her "Personality Plus for Parents."

And for fun, why not take the personality quiz yourself?

 http://www.quibblo.com/quiz/2FF0QY4/Personality-Plus-Test

For an exhaustive look at the various personality style theories: http://www.businessballs.com/personalitystylesmodels.htm#four%20temperaments%20four%20humours